Published by I’ve practiced Buddhism for many years. I have been asked of those that do not follow, nor know much about Buddhism, if it is wise to have attachment to ones wife/husband. For years I felt that this indiscretion in regards to grasping would not cause problems; surely we can attach ourselves to our spouse without danger of suffering. I was very wrong and I’ll share the reason.
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I know of a person that studied Buddhism diligently, practicing meditation daily, leading meditation groups, and was an all around centered guy. In all aspects of life this person was “centered”… except for one.
He had always felt that grasping and attachment in regards to his wife would not cause suffering. She was younger (felt he would die before she would… no need to worry about mourning her loss in death), healthier and their marriage was very solid. Surely, there would be no day without her, so he decided that in regards to his wife as an attachment, it would be ok this one time. He was very wrong.
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First, his attachment to his wife caused him to treat his wife in a way that made her the object of his desire, rather than the object of compassion. One can’t be compassionate toward a person that they are grasping towards. It’s not that he didn’t love her; its that he was unable to selflessly and completely love her. Unknowingly, he took more than he gave; that was the undoing of a life long practice of mindfulness and compassion.
Remember, in all aspects of the man’s life there was now grasping. The guy only had the one lone attachment… the wife. Because there was this flaw in the love… a taking, and not a compassionate giving, the ife ultimately distanced herself, finally asked for a divorce.
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Because the man had not prepared himself for the possibility that his wife might actually be out of his life at some point, there was no defense in place for the pain that came from losing her. Unfortunately, the man was taken so much by surprise, that lost he his practice, mindfulness and ultimately had nothing to draw on to control his emotions. A man that had all thoughts and feelings in check… except the one attachment and now he was going to enter hell on earth in regards to his mental state.
I would like to point out here that I’m not saying someone shouldn’t love their spouse with everything they have inside them. I’m saying that a person should understand and appreciate that all thing are changing, enjoy and love compassionately everyone we encounter, but do not make exceptions in regards to “attachments” as it takes only one to crumble decades worth of meditation and practice in regards to mindfulness. Love, don’t grasp.
So, this man with his mind/emotions turning against him, in a disparate attempt to end his suffering, attempted to take his own life. Luckily, he was unable to muster the courage it took to finish the job, and eventually found help for his pain, through dilegent meditation. He found his way back to meditation and practice and now swears by the rule, “All attachments lead to samsara/suffering”. Please learn from my friends mistake; leave the spousal attachments by the door… with your shoes. True love for your spouse is found in giving to them compassionately, selflessly and in a way that is not grasping for their love for you. 
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