Published by “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
- Carl Jung
Image via Wikipedia
I’ve been sitting zazen for the past five years and my world has drastically changed. Zazen is the zen Buddhism way of meditation. Comfortably, I sit in my teacher’s studio everyday before our asana yoga practice. I make it to my cushion with a positive outlook. I settle in cross legged and begin listening to my breath. My breath is amplified due to the stillness of the room, the incense wafting around me and the rising sun.
This may all sound wonderful, but it has been challenging as well. My legs often go numb or tingle after only 20 minutes, I still drift off to sleep, and my chattering mind keeps me from clearing space for clarity to enter. I once was pretty hard on myself because I was such a “bad meditator”. I wanted to really meditate and I felt like I was getting nowhere. I soon learned that there’s no bad way to meditate, and that by simply having the commitment to sit- whether it is for five minutes or 45 minutes- makes the practitioner worthy.
As my thinking mind takes over when I sit I’ve recently become an observer. I realize now (after years of sitting zazen) that the thoughts and feelings I am having during meditation are not really me. They are just an illusion. Knowing this, I can let the thoughts, worries and stress go much easier. I just observe them for what they are- thoughts. Our thoughts do not make up who we truly are.
In order to delve deep into the consciousness of our individual selves we must take time out to sit quietly and observe. The inhale and exhale of the breath is a way to release them as they enter. I sometimes imagine my exhaling breath pushing the thoughts out the window. This allows me to see what’s next in my thinking mind. As I continue the practice, the thoughts enter less frequently and so as a result, I sit for much longer now. When I first started sitting zazen I would have one thought after another. Now they come every five minutes or so.
I believe this practice of sitting meditation has allowed me to understand that through dedicated exploration I can make the darkness of my conditioned patterns more obvious, in turn, I can see how they keep me stuck. The thinking mind is thoughts formulated by the world I live in, and not who I am. Thoughts are outside of me. Thoughts are created by my unconscious mind. This way of thinking has helped me greatly in my relationships with others as well as the relationship I have with my Self. If and when I become angry, I observe myself as being angry. I simple say, “Nisa is angry right now, and that is okay.” I allow the anger to move through me and use my breath to push it out the window. If and when I get annoyed with my partner I simply say, “Nisa is feeling annoyed right now and that is okay.”
Feelings are just something we experience, and in turn thoughts are created. By recognizing this I have a much easier time communicating with my loved ones. I have a much higher tolerance for strangers and my patience has been lifted to an entirely new level. For me, the practice of zazen has been extremely helpful to me in my everyday life. I will continue to practice for the remainder of this lifetime, and I would recommend this path to everyone.
“Vast is the path to Liberation, a formless field of benefaction. In living the Universal teachings, I realize my one True nature. Thus, harmonizing all beings.” – Zen saying recited after sittting zazen
