A Biblical Perspective of Marraige, Divorce and Remarraige

For one to properly address the issue of divorce and remarriage, it is important to go back to the genesis of marriage and the purpose of marriage from a Biblical perspective.  God created every beast of the field and every bird of the air out of the ground and brought them to Adam “to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature that was its name. —. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him” Genesis 2:19, 20 NKJV.  God had declared that “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper” (Genesis 2:18). Eve was subsequently created not from the dust but from Adam’s flesh and bone. Considering that every creature was formed from the earth apart from Eve, God was in effect communicating that the man and the woman were one complete unit and through marriage they symbolically become one.

God who instituted Marriage declared that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” Genesis 2:24. It is the man who “leaves” to find his missing part in order to be complete and fulfill his mission on earth. Marriage to God is therefore not just for convenience and neither is it a cultural or right issue. Marriage is both a spiritual and physical union with God as the initiator.  A Marriage instituted by God has four aspects, 1) It is between a man and a woman, 2) the man leaves his parents and commits himself to his wife 3) the man and woman are joined together by taking responsibility for each other’s welfare and by loving the mate above all others 4) and the two become one flesh in the intimacy and commitment of sexual union reserved for marriage.           

Paul writing to the Corinthians discusses the principles of the Christian marriage.  Paul starts by celebrating celibacy but acknowledges that not everyone can be celibate and as such “—because of sexual immorality, let each man have his won wife, and let each woman have her own husband” 1 Corinthians 7: 1-2. Paul follows by showing that once married your body does not belong to you. When you are single you can dedicate your body to the Lord, but once married you cannot “deprive one another except with consent for a time” 1Corinthians 7:5. According to Dr Munroe, “marriage is the death and sacrifice of exclusivity on the altar of love” (Munroe, Dr M., Single, Married, Separated & Life after Divorce P. 60) .

 Jesus also made it clear that marriage was not for everyone and some are destined to be single. There are those who are born physically unable to fulfill the marriage commitment, others have been made so through an accident or act of man and others have chosen to remain single to serve God, (Mathew 19:12). Paul highlights this issue when he says “I wish all men were even as myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that” 1 Corinthians 7: 7.  What both Jesus and Paul were emphasizing is that before one decides to get married one should be sure that they have the heart and true spirit for marriage and understand that marriage is permanent.  God takes our vows seriously and warns us not to make vows in haste because “that which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth” (Deuteronomy 23:23). This includes marriage vows.

                                            Divorce

Marriage from a Biblical perspective, as shown above, is permanent. Indeed from the beginning God did not make any provision for divorce. Dr Myles Munroe suggests that, “You are not ready to marry until you reach the understanding that marriage, in God’s context — is permanent” (Munroe, Dr M., Single, Separated & Life after Divorce, p. 45). The Pharisees asked Jesus whether it was lawful “for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason”.  Instead of answering the question as asked, Jesus addressed the purpose and intent of marriage from the creator’s point of view and said “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh? So then they are no longer two but one flesh” He then warned “what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mathew 19: 4-6).

 One must wonder then whether all marriages are “joined together” by God.  It is suggested that the only marriage joined together by God is one where both partners are submitted to God. Making vows without being reconciled to God does not make the union a joining by God. Jesus taught that unless one is “born again” one cannot enter the kingdom of God, for “that which is born of flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit” John 3: 3, 6.  The entrance requirements to the kingdom of God are repentance and spiritual rebirth. It is submitted that a couple maybe legally married but not joined together by God. However a couple can sanctify their marriage before God once they are reconciled to God and God will join them together.  Dr Munroe suggests that “if God does not join you, man undoubtedly will put you asunder in some fashion down through the years. But if God joins you, no man can put you asunder” (Munroe, Dr M., Single, Separated & Life after Divorce P. 81).

In Deuteronomy 24:1, Moses permitted a husband to divorce his wife if the husband found “some uncleanness in her”.  This is what the Pharisees were using to justify divorce “for any reason”. Jesus however made it clear that Moses allowed divorce as a concession to their sinfulness but “from the beginning it was not so” (Mathew 19:8). God never approved it but Moses instituted it as a civil law to protect the injured party, which in those days was the woman. A man could decide to divorce his wife for any reason by pronouncing divorce three times. Moses provided a penalty against a man divorcing his wife to ensure that the woman was financially catered for and free to remarry by the divorce decree. This was more a worldly thing created by the fall of the human as opposed to God’s perfect will for the institution of marriage.

In the book of Malachi, the seriousness of divorce before God is addressed. The people were complaining that their prayers were not being answered despite their covering “the alter of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying”, Malachi 2:13. God showed them that they were reaping from their action of treating their wives “treacherously” through divorce and reminds them of the marriage covenant which made them one. God further indicates His hatred for divorce “for it covers one’s garment with violence” Malachi 2:16.  Violence would connote the tearing apart of the spiritual union that made the two one. Divorce also interferes with God’s wish for “godly offspring” through the “Remnant of the Spirit” (Malachi 2:14-15). Paul in his epistle to the Corinthians also talks about children of a believer in a marriage as being “holy” (1 Corinthians 7:14).

Jesus made it clear that the only time that divorce was permissible in the kingdom of God was for sexual immorality or adultery, (Mathew 5: 31-32). Adultery breaks the exclusivity of the marriage vow and thus the two are no longer one. This does not mean the there is no room for reconciliation, for God would like us to be reconciled through repentance and forgiveness. It is always better to look for reasons to restore a marriage relationship rather than divorce. In the Old Testament the penalty for adultery was stoning to death. (Deuteronomy 22: 22, 23). By clarifying that divorce was only permissible on grounds of adultery, Jesus was in effect introducing grace and mercy on the adulterer and saying that instead of sending someone to death for adultery, divorce would suffice.

One must remember that Jesus said that He did not come to “destroy the law or the prophets” but to “fulfill it” (Mathew 5:17); In other words to clarify the true intention of the law and prophecy by integrating the spiritual aspect of the law.  Jesus it seems was saying that divorce was not the problem but what caused divorce. It was the wrong thinking, wrong attitude and wrongs actions towards the institution of marriage or one’s partner that led to divorce. He cautioned that no one should get married unless they understood its permanence. The disciples understood what Jesus meant hence their conclusion “if such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” Mathew 19:10.

                               Remarriage

Jesus taught that “whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” Mark 10: 11-12. This scripture must have however be read together with Mathew 5: 32 where Jesus said that divorce was permissible for marital infidelity. In the latter part, the offending partner has already broken the marriage vow by committing adultery while in the former the marriage vow is intact and breaking it for another amounts to committing adultery. Due to the “joining” of the two in marriage by God, the union became permanent for their lifetime. Thus the law of the land may permit divorce and remarriage, but God’s law say you have no capacity to marry another once He has joined you together. Only death can set one free to remarry (1 Corinthians 7: 39).

It would seem then that remarriage, from a Biblical perspective, is only permissible when the couple divorced because of a permissible act like adultery. There is also the situation where one of the couple is a believer and the other is not.  In this situation if the unbelieving spouse departs, “let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace”, 1 Corinthians 7:15. This would be a permissible divorce because the couple is “unequally yoked” as provided in 2Corinthians 6:14-18 and continuing with the relationship would entail renouncing or compromising ones faith. This however is not a license for divorce because before this direction Paul says “if any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him” because the believing spouse sanctifies the other and their children are regarded as “holy”.  1 Corinthians 7:12-14. Paul would have that one remains single if they are “loosed” “But even if you do marry, you have not sinned” (1Corinthians 7: 27, 28).

In all other cases of divorce, it appears remarriage would amount to a sinful act leading to adultery.  Paul indeed says that “a wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband should not divorce his wife”1 Corinthians 7:11. In other words, if a couple is separated or divorced they should remain single or work out their differences and be reconciled. Some people may not be able to remain single after a divorce because they “burn with passion”. For such it is recommended that they first surrender their sexuality to God. It could be that the problem is lust an they need to learn self control.

Paul writes to ” the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am (single); but if they cannot exercise self control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” 1 Corinthians 7: 8-9. It is suggested that if a person is unable to contain their passion and they cannot reconcile with their partner perhaps because the other partner is not interested either because they have married another or they have decided they are gay,  then remarriage may be considered. This should however be done through Godly consul and in prayers to ensure that it is God’s will.

                             Conclusion

Divorce and remarriage is not the unpardonable sin. God hates divorce but not the divorced person and “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1John1: 9. Just like he forgave the woman caught in the act of adultery and told her to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11), He will do the same to someone who finds themselves  in an adulterous relationship as long as they are willing to “sin no more” and live according to God’s will for their marriage.