Bible Q & a – Did Jesus Show Disrespect to His Earthly Family?

Jesus at age 12 deliberately stayed behind in Jerusalem after Joseph and Mary left for home. (Matthew 12:46-50)

Jesus traveled with his parents to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. After the feast was over, while his parents were returning home, Jesus stayed behind. Since this pilgrimage was made by a large group, likely with women and men travelling separately, his absence went unnoticed for a day. Then Joseph and Mary began looking for him among their relatives and friends. When they didn’t find him, they returned to Jerusalem. After three days of searching, they finally found him in the temple courts. He was sitting among the teachers of the law, listening to them and asking questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers.

Mary and Joseph were astonished. Mary said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”  ”Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.

As a parent myself, I have also wondered at this passage of Scripture. Other than His birth, His ritual dedication at the temple at eight days old, and the flight to Egypt to escape the murderous intentions of King Herod; this incident in Jerusalem is the only Biblical account of the childhood of Jesus. There must be a reason why it is included in the Scriptures.

From a human perspective, it does seem like the adolescent Jesus is showing disrespect to His parents. I recently lost my thirteen year old daughter in large shopping mall for about an hour, and astonishment is a mild description of my emotions when she nonchalantly came back to the van and informed me, “You knew I was looking for a CD. I couldn’t find it in the first store, and you were busy looking at clothes, so I went to a different store to look.”

I have given some thought to the relevance of the age of Jesus when this incident took place. In Jewish tradition, age twelve or thirteen is the end of childhood and the entrance into the adult world of work and responsibility. Joseph was a carpenter, so it is likely that Jesus would have been expected to join his father and learn the trade of carpentry. But Joseph was not the biological father of Jesus – Jesus was the Son of God. By staying in the temple, asking and answering questions with the teachers of the law, Jesus was showing obedience to His Father, learning His Father’s trade.

Jesus ignored His mother and brothers when they wanted to speak to Him.

Jesus was talking to a crowd, when He received a message that His mother and brothers were standing outside, wanting to speak to Him. Jesus replied, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to His disciples, he said “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

This incident does sound like disrespect from a human perspective. But I don’t think that He meant to break off ties with His earthly family. Because Joseph is not mentioned after the temple incident, it is likely that Mary was a widow by this time. My opinion of this passage is that Jesus said this not so much to put down His biological family, but to communicate to that crowd and to us who follow Him today that He is part of a Heavenly family and that we can be adopted into this Heavenly family.

It is significant to note that during His torment on the cross, Jesus made arrangements for the apostle John to care for His mother. The Bible does not explain why Mary was not taken in by one of her other sons. They were still alive, and at some point at least some of Jesus’ brothers became believers. The book of Acts, which gives the historical account of the founding of the Christian Church, makes mention of Mary the mother of Jesus and His brothers joining with the apostles in prayer (Acts 1:14). It is commonly believed that the author of the book of James was one of Jesus’ earthly brothers.

If anyone is interested in reading more of my answers to questions about Christianity and the Bible, I posted a six part series as a response to Triond author REPuckett’s “50 Questions a Christian Can’t Answer”.

A Christian’s response to REPuckett’s 50 question challenge
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6