Published by I grew up during a time that, though it was not innocent, it was a time of relative social peace and common courtesies. I grew up in a city where people who didn’t know each other waved and gathered for an afternoon’s conversation and the children of your next door neighbors were likely to become your in-laws. It was a time of unsurpassed civility in everyday Christianity, and its effects upon the society were evident and taken for granted by the majority of people.
On a few occasions I’ve tried to explain these effects to various people, particularly children, and found that it’s hard for them to imagine a time when churches had such influence that even strangers could trust each other. But still they seem to understand that they’ve missed out on something good, something precious, which used to take place outside the church on a regular basis. And, if you’re like me and remember those days, you’re probably beginning to become uneasy at seeing the stream begin to reverse itself as some of the incivility of society makes its way back through Christianity’s door.
You’ve probably noticed this incivility beginning to show itself in small ways. The abrupt rudeness that is sometimes displayed by a few ushers strolling through the pews as they pass the offering bucket. Or maybe you’ve experienced a gentle joking barb or two in a simple conversation with a representative of the local congregation. Or maybe you’ve found yourself either rudely rushing or being rushed for that last available parking space nearest the auditorium doors.
In regards to these things, maybe two questions need to be asked and answered: once incivility has flowed inward, does it intensify within the church, especially in the instances when laws concerning forgiveness are ignored? And does it get stronger in detrimentally affected people as they return to the larger society? The answers to these questions may be more troubling than we expect.
Particularly, when there seems to be an increase in problems associated with forgiveness, such as higher divorce rates and an increase in the number of remarriages. Higher divorce rates coupled with sequential remarriage are worrisome because this may be an early indication that growing incivility is having its effects. The frequency in an individual’s dissolution of his or her serial marriages may indicate a tendency towards unforgiveness and forgiveness may be the foundation of civility.
And what is equally troubling is the frequency in which this is taking place among the leadership. Leadership is to be a model of what Christianity can be and life-long marriages are symbols of the heights of Christian loyalty, forgiveness and civility.
Scripture puts it this way, “… the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Mal 2:14-16 NKJV)
In any case, it is not my intention to paint a corporate church that is rampantly plagued by uncivil behavior and unviable marriages, because I also see a church that is largely intact, where members are constantly and tirelessly helping one another and where services are numerous and available for every kind of hurting need. My goal here is to sound a canary-in-the-mine-like warning that we ought not to ignore incivility.
And that it’s a natural thing for many of us who remember those earlier days of the church’s unparalleled peace and its unrivaled influence to wonder where Christianity will end up if even comparably slight effects of incivility continue upon their present course.
But I don’t believe that we should despair of a change in direction given the pattern of the history of the church. God Himself has shown that He is able and willing to extract from any time a doctrine, a person or a movement that will restore a positive direction against the errors in Christianity. He is able to establish a reformation that will be adept at seeing the facades of insincerity that so often cover up offensive behavior and is willing to give us hearts that hunger whole-heartedly for civility again.
I believe there will again come a time when those of us who remember the old days and the old ways will not find ourselves explaining to those who weren’t there how society used to be, how church used to influence and how the world’s effects were softened by the civility of the church.
