Published by When I finished high school I had my goals set. I was inspired to go to college and finish with a bachelor degree in nursing. I never thought in a million years that I would have so many obstacles to go through in order to get where I was trying to go.
It all started when I went off to college over the summer. It was ready, set, and go for me, because I couldn’t wait to get on campus. I had heard so many stories about the college life, some of it was good and some of it was bad. In the beginning I was ready to roll with the good.
What I meant about good was going to class, studying, and preparing myself for my degree. I felt like nothing was going to stop me from accomplishing my goal. I was persevered and determined to do whatever I had to do to make it through four years of college. As I said before that was in the beginning.
The college was one of the most prestige black colleges in the state. One thing that I found out when I got to campus was that they like to party. There were always Alpha Kappa parties, Q parties, concerts, you name it. And when I started hanging out with my roommate and some of her friends it was on. Instead of studying like I always did, I was going out partying on campus practically every night. It was the summer, it was hot, and I felt like I needed to take a break from studying. Which was my first mistake.
Here’s how everything started happening. I met my first college love on campus when I was coming from one of the Kappa parties. He tried so hard to throw every move on me that he possibly could and I tried my best to ignore him. It only made him come on stronger toward me. He was begging until I gave him my number and said okay you can call. What did I do that for? Another big mistake.
I started back studying more because my grades wasn’t looking good as they had been in the beginning. I decided to cut some of the partying out. And all of a sudden my phone was ringing more than a little bit. It was him! I decided to talk to him about thirty minutes everyday and then it progressed to an hour, to two hours, to all night. Then all of a sudden I started spending the nights with him. It got that serious and then before you knew it I was pregnant.
He was happy, but I was not. I really felt like I had failed. This was one thing that was not in my plan. I did not know how I was going to accomplish my goal with having a child. I was scared to talk to my parents and I was afraid to face others, because of what they might say.
My conscious said I was a failure and that I wouldn’t amount to nothing. The only thing I knew to do was to pray about it. Doing then I wasn’t sure if God heard my every cry, but I put my faith in God that he would guide me through my situation. And that he did, my mom told me that it was okay.
She wanted me to continue going to school and don’t stop, when my dad said that he did not want to have anything to do with me. I was his heart and he felt like I had let him down. I was hurt and I did not know how I could ever make my dad love me the way he use to again. Then again I turned it all over to God.
I continued to go to school pregnant and all, because I was still determined. I knew that I would be okay, because God reassured me of that. My grades were back up like they were in the beginning and my studying was beyond what I had started. I was unsure about one thing though and that was if my baby daddy was going to be there for me till the end like he said he was.
I notice there were some things changing about him. He was always busy, he’ll tell me he was turning in early, but I did not let that bother me because I had some thing greater to focus on. That was my degree and me having a healthy baby. I was tired, but I pushed my way to finish the spring term out.
Timing was just right, because I had my baby boy while I was out for break over the summer. His dad was not there like I figure what was going to happen. Further more, he had met some other female during the same time we were talking and got her pregnant around the same time I was. Therefore, I was through with him. All I knew was that I had to focus on my child and what I was going to do to support us.
My dad eventual started back coming around, so him and mom told me that they were going to help with the baby and for me to go back off to school. I was so rejoiced and all I knew to do was say “Thank You God!” I went back to school and picked up where I left off.
I was now a sophomore and I was taking a lot of pre-nursing courses. I was truly focused, I was not into the partying like I was in the beginning, as a matter of fact, not at all. My mom had told me that she expected me to accomplish what I ventured out to get and she had faith in me. She also stated to me that I better not have another baby also while I was trying to finish school.
A couple of years had passed and I had been doing good in school. But, something unexpected happened that really made things hard for me. I end up running into my old guy friend from high school. We started back kicking it, we messed around, I was double protected. I had been on the pill for two and a half years and plus we used a condom. I was really being very careful because I did not want another child, because I was still in school.
I thought to myself that I had missed taking a pill, but figure it was okay I was using a condom. Things was not looking good when we finished messing around because the condom had bust. I was very frightened and did not know what to do, I knew something had just happened. There was this feeling in me that let me know that I was pregnant again. So I cried out then to God and asked “Why?” One month later while I was at school I was sick and had to go to the infirmary and there I found out I was pregnant again.
I couldn’t understand what was going on, I knew that was protected. Yet and still it did not prevent me from getting pregnant. I had questioned God, in which I knew that I was not suppose to do. I just knew that I really had messed my life up now.
I had to hear all of the fussing from my parents that they told me that if I had a another child I was on my own. They actually meant that and stuck to they story.
I persevered anyway, even though I had to get a job and go to school at the same time while I was pregnant. I was not living on campus anymore so I was driving back and forth everyday until, I got so sick and couldn’t do it anymore. This was my falling point, I felt.
I end up having a baby girl and all I thought about was how was I going to support two kids now. I was so confused about my faith in God. I knew in the beginning God reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but I felt like He failed me. I did not know what was going on. My mom had told me that God let us go through some things for a reason, because He is just preparing us for the future. Still I just did not understand, I wanted to give up and through in the towel. I had already withdrew from school before having the baby and after I had her I was not sure of wanting to go back.
I end up transferring to a school in my hometown. So I went back to school and it was pretty tough working full time, going to school fulltime, and being a mother. I thanked God for my mother because she did watch the kids why I went to school and worked. Therefore, I set forth again to make an accomplishment to finish, but there where some obstacles in my way that made it difficult for me.
Things were really complicated because I was tired and couldn’t get to work on time, falling asleep in class, and staying up through the nights with the kids. I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore, going to school fulltime and working fulltime and trying to be a mother fulltime was too much on me. So again I withdrew from nursing school.
Then I became a working mother who focused on providing for her children. Even though I wanted to go to school, I figure that it was best for me to work so that I could get my kids the things that I never had. I knew that eventually later in life that I would be able to get where I wanted to go. But, three years later, I end up pregnant again with my third child, a baby boy. I became so frustrated because everything happened the same way as my last child.
I cried out, I felt low, again I felt like I had failed. The devil tried to intervene in my life because he placed in my mind abortion. I can remember the day I sat in church and I cried as the pastor preached on don’t through in the towel. The part that got me though was when I went a round to shake the pastor hand, he looked at me and said “God told me to give you this message, whatever you thinking about doing, don’t do it.”
I looked astonished and I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I knew right then that God had been there listening to my every cry. That night I fell on my knees and I prayed and I told God that whatever he had in store for me I was ready.
I knew that I had been working so hard to take care of the other kids and I was disgusted with myself, cause here I was with three kids and not married as I had not planned when I had got out of high school. There were so many things running through my head. Here I am with three kids with three different fathers and not married. I had been with my last child father for two years before I had got pregnant and plus we had been friends for so many years during high school.
I did think we were going to get married, but he kept saying he was not ready. I think that what made me more open eyed to only focus on me and my kids and forget a relationship. I left the relationship alone and end up going to school to be a cosmetologist, it was not bad because the classes fit my schedule perfect unlike nursing school. It was all good because I finished school and start making more money.
God was in the midst, he did not let me give up. I was persevered and still I pressed on to get more than what I had. The medical field was my thing and God made things work out. I had always said that I wanted to work in surgery when I became a nurse, so there was a class for a surgical technologist during nights. I decided that it wouldn’t be bad, here I am with three kids and I need to do something more. This allowed me to work and go to school, while my mother watch the kids. I continued to work fulltime and go to school fulltime for two years until I got my degree. Once I got my degree I found a job in another state and I moved to give my kids a better life.
All the time from college to now I have pushed my way to make it. I never gave up. I know God was there in the beginning and I know that God is in the midst of my life till the end. I put my faith in God and he showed me the way. Now I am a happy, married mother who is sharing what I went through and how I got through to get where I am now. If you don’t know, it was through the grace of God.
We all sometimes wonder why do we struggle and go through things unexpectedly. Remember that God let you go through some things to get your attention. Put your trust and faith in God and see where it will get you.
I leave this scripture with you: Isaiah 57:13 – When thou criest, let though companies deliver thee; but the wind shall carry them all away; vanity shall take them: but he that putteth his trust in me shall possess the land, and shall inherit my holy mountain.
Kela this is a remarkable story.