I was born to a Christian mother and a Muslim father in Kiev (Ukraine). A year after my birth, my father had to go back to his native country the Republic of Chad, and I have never heard from him since that time. My mother was raising me as a Christian giving me a lot of love and care. She was raised as an atheist in the Soviet Union, but, like many Ukrainians, she accepted Christ by faith after the collapse of the USSR.
My first real involvement into religion happened when I was 6 years old. My mother decided to baptize me before I go to school – she believed that it would put me upon God’s protection. I still clearly remember the ceremony in the beautiful ancient church of St. Elijah the Prophet. My Mom, friends, relatives and I, nicely dressed, arrived to the church in anticipation of something special that would give my life more meaning. This is what my mother and others believed was about to happen. I, like any child of 6, was doing what I was told trying to comprehend the meaning of what was going on. Now, in retrospect, I think that we are all born without religion, and no child believes in God. Some children are taught religion, which gives them comfort and hope, and they stay that way the rest of their lives. Others, like me, become doubting about existence of God, his disciples and all miracles he performed. But all this came to me much later, at my adolescent age. At the day of my baptism, I was just happy to be a center of attention and also given nice presents to celebrate this event.
My mother was not a strong believer, and there was no tradition in our family to go to church on Sundays. Being a tour guide for years, she knew history of each church of the town, and quite often she brought our friends and me to beautiful majestic ancient churches. She enjoyed telling us about paintings of famous artists of last centuries and about many other interesting things we could see in the churches. By the end of each visit, we traditionally lit candles and prayed in front of icons. I think that my mom was “a superficial believer” who was attracted to the beauty of Christian churches and solemn church ceremonies. My memory brings me bright recollections about an Easter Sunday when I was 10. In sunny peaceful April morning my Mom and I with the basket of painted multicolored eggs and sweet round-shaped bread called “paska” were riding a trolley bus to bless our food in church.
My quite peaceful rare involvement in religion as a child and teenager in Ukraine ended when my mother and I moved to the USA. As fate has willed, I had to attend Christian high school in America. Having a big cultural shock, some language barrier, I was overwhelmed with my new life in the new country. Going to church service every Sunday morning was the requirement of the school. How I was surprised when the first time my mother brought me to a big square-shaped building that didn’t look like an Orthodox Christian church at all. I was even more surprised when I stepped inside and was involved into the service. I should tell the truth – I didn’t like the service at all. To say that it was different from so familiar Ukrainian one is to say nothing. This is the time when I really began studying Bible in school and church. Numerous questions arose in my mind when I began looking more deeply into the things that I had been told in church.
I think that I am one of many non-believers who stumbled upon this eternal question, “Why does merciful God let innocent children suffer and die of incurable illnesses, feminine, natural disasters, etc?” Bible says that people are punished by God for their sins, but what sins little children have? Let’s consider so-called “miracle cures”. What makes people think that God will perform a miracle to cure their serious health problems while he let thousands people die after Chernobyl nuclear disaster 25 years ago and nowadays nobody knows how many people will die as a result of Fukushima nuclear power plant catastrophe?
The second, and more significant, enemy to my faith was my belief in Darwin’s theory of evolution that I learnt in school. Doesn’t the story of creating Adam and Eve from clay by God sound like a fairy-tale? Yes, children would believe that, but it does not sound persuasive for a thinking adult individual. One does not need to have a medical degree to understand the life cycle, cell division and know the basics of human anatomy to doubt the story of life creation on the Earth by an omnipotent deity. I am sure that one of the reasons why church demands absolute faith in everything that is written in Bible is that some Bible parts are very much questionable and do not sound real. To my mind, there is no a valid reason to believe that a god is necessary to explain our existence.
Being an atheist for me does not mean rejection of any religion and hatred for believers of any faith. I believe in saying “live and let live.” I do not claim that God does not exist. Atheism for me is simply the absence or lack of faith in God. My point is that existence of God is unproven. I cannot believe that God exists until I am presented convincing conclusive evidence about existence of any deity with a supernatural power. I do not want to sound like Doubting Thomas, but I do not see any reason to take someone’s word for granted, and especially if it was written centuries ago.
I believe that tolerance to other people’s views and beliefs can make the world better and ensure peaceful coexistence of different nations and religions. Fundamentalism in any religion is a dangerous thing that can lead to wars and terrorism. I do not want to say that strong believers are narrow-minded people, but it is a big chance that they will condemn those who do not obey their religion rules and dogmas. This is what happened to my mother and me in Pochaev monastery (Ukraine) that can be a good example to support my idea.
The memory of that interesting day is still fresh in my mind. We visited all churches of the monastery before we got to the main cathedral were a saint, the founder of the monastery, lived in the cave centuries ago. There was no any other way to get into that cave, but only to crawl through a small hole. It was believed that those who could get into the cave and pray there would receive God’s grace. We joined a long line of believers and kept quiet in anticipation of something special. When our turn came, my mother suddenly felt claustrophobic and cannot make herself to crawl into the cave. Monks, who maintained order there, became very hostile, and I could read something like hatred in their eyes. One of them said, “Devil does not let you go into the cave.” The world does not have shades for this monk: it is either white or black – God or Devil.
Some people say, “Why not believe in God just in case it exists?” I am not willing to sacrifice the truth for comfort, and I just cannot – it is not easy to go against your nature. I face my doubts head on and I am not ashamed to be an atheist. The journey from believer to non-believer can be painful and difficult, but if you are seeking for logic and the truth in your life, it is a worthwhile journey. If God exist, and I will be asked in front of the heaven-gates why I did not believe in God, I can use Bertrand Russell’s phrase and say, “Not enough evidence, God, not enough evidence”.
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hmmmm a touching story, but you are missing true religion Islam
interesting article…thanks
Very nice story but,I want to ask you,what type of proof you want to see,hear or touch to believe in God?
Most people are just too frightened of dying not to believe… if there’s nothing there… well, it’s not going to matter much at that point. We should aim to be better people, rather than more pious ones in my opinion. Great share.
for Soloxen:
I don’t know what kind of proof can make me believe in God…, but I already believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. I think that belief in God and Darwin’s theory are two mutually exclusive things.
Very interesting,there is no proof for Darwin’s theory.Me,like muslim believe that evolution doesn’t exist and Islam is against that.
That belief is specifically for every atheist,like that humans were monkeys in past,or whales lived on the surface etc.
The Darwinism theory cannot scientifically explain how life originated on Earth.There is no scientific finding shows that the “evolutionary mechanism” proposed by the theory have any evolutionary power at all.So,Darwinism is rejected by muslims and any-religion scientists who investigated evolution.
I don’t want to be boring or some type of missionary because I’m 16 y.o. and only what I want is to show people that the Islam isn’t religion of terrorism how the west presents it.Otherwise,it’s beautifull religion of truth which defend the rights of everybody and it doesn’t insult something or somebody.
Search on internet for ‘Koran proofs’ and you will find out is there God or not.
‘Key is in searching,truth is everywhere.’
Your article was interesting. I believe in God, but I do respect your reasons for being an athiest.
Great writing
If you have questions and find answers that do not jibe with the concept of religion, then you can’t believe. You have no choice in the matter. I was much like you and I was baptized as a child but I also had questions, the holocaust among them. the answers I came up with did not lead me to be a believer.
Why can’t we understand that religion is only a fairy tale and a myth. It beats me.
very nice story, i myself became an atheist just after these simultaneous tragedies that came to my life. They may call me weak by not believing religion anymore, but i faced the fact and the reality that believing alone is not enough to survive in life. You have to wake up answering those questions on your own, whether you believe it or not life goes on. And it strongly makes me believe on the saying that “don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.” which simply means that we, human are the center of humans. No supernatural beliefs involved.
))
So long you believe in yourself and have faith in the goodness of others, you can survive without the rituals of religion. So long good things happen its OK to be an atheist. Ask people suffering from Cancer, from accidents, from repeated misfortunes, they feel helpless despite the great advances of science, and look for Some ONE to look up to. Evidence? Do you see the moon during daylight? no, but it is shining elsewhere where it is night. Live life like a Human Being, in your own chosen way.
So, if moon is (your) god, who is the sun?
I have many questions unanswered…but that won’t make me doubt of God’s existence…it only means that I am not God…and I can’t reach to his level of reasoning and purpose…
that is why we call it “faith”
Wow! Your parents were from different faiths? That’s similar to Obama’s parents. What happened to your dad? Are you still in contact? Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us.
Thank you, friends, for stopping buy and commenting on my article.
for Mr. Soloxen:
Thank you for a wonderful comment. I do respect people of any religion, but I also think that any person has his or her right to choose to be religious or not.
For Sharif Ishnin:
I have not heard from my dad since he left Kiev when I was 2 year old child. When I was a teenager I was asking my mother a lot of questions about my dad, and dreaming about meeting him. Now I think we are just strangers who have the same genes.
Oh I may disagree with you but I totally respect your stand…
The Bible itself provides adequate evidence that Christianity is a Myth. In addition to all the contradictions, errors and obvious fairy tales in this book, the clearest, most profoundly important prophesies, those declared by Jesus himself, proved false. Consider as an example Matthew 16[27] For the Son of man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay every man for what he has done.
[28] Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.” Jesus predicted the Second Coming would occur during the lifetime of some of his followers in 7 other passages and 3 different contexts. See Also Matthew 24: 29-34; Mark 8:38-9:1; 13:24-30 and 14:61,62; Luke 9:26,27 and 21:10-32
It is not likely you will ever hear a sermon preached on these texts!
I respect your right to believe what you want and your ability to write, but I believe. Without Him I am nothing. He has maintained me through many things. I would have not been sane without Him.
Thank you, Judy. I respect other people beliefs, and I think that respect and tolerance are the only way of peaceful coexistance for people of different beliefs.
Touching story! But remember that atheism is after all a Theism!
Your story gives lots of food for thought. Yes, everything we do or do not do has to make perfect sense. If certain rituals remain as a mere formality, it calls for revisiting the belief systems.
What is important is to find meaning in life – for some it comes through believing and feeling connected with God while for others it may not work. We must respect each other’s view but I personally feel our search should go on until we die.
I am curious about some of your anecdotes but I’m afraid this is too short a space to cover all those. If it is ok with you could you pls send me your email id. Mine is rh968@dhaka.net
What can I say-it is your own choice,you decide what you want and I do not judge that.Everyone should have a freedom of will determining what and how to do and what to believe in.
As long as you stay strong, everything is fine.:)
I respect your choices and you have the right to them, though I have reached different conclusions.
I was amazed by some of your beautiful photography. You are quite a photographer! You capture such amazing beauty. Thanks for sharing that with us. Isn’t it amazing though that your camera came out of the dust of the earth. Some might find that unbelievable and yet it is so. How else could you share your beautiful photos? All from the dust of the earth? Hmmmm!!!
We all have to make choices and our beliefs are our own; you bring to the table soom interesting thoughts, making the mind think. Your article is indeed very tense, great work.
so long long story.but at all,thats ur choice.just make sure you do the right thing and best for you.if you feel comfortable by became an atheist, then thats mean no matter.happy atheist !
I don’t feel being atheist is something wrong. I am not an atheist, but I don’t believe in religions. God is love, but religions sow hatred among humans.
A very good and brave piece. Religion is a mixed bag. I don’t need it but I have observed that it is a great comfort to some people. Certainly it is behind much of the world’s strife. It is interesting that at a time when science explains the world we live in so well that so many still cling to ancient superstitions. Of course the thing that science cannot explain is why we exist and why for that matter the universe exists and this I think is at the heart of religion.
me too.. i’m not yet a full blown atheist but i don’t believe in religion, much more in bibles.. a very good story ^^ i liked it so much. me too i also have my own story about questioning my faith and believing the unbelievable.
Very touching. It is unfortunate that those who claim to lead the flock are themselves weak in the faith. These are the people who spoil the reputation for others of different faith.
Faith is personal and I have seen it’s effect in my life that is why I believe.
Glad to meet a like-minded – an atheist. We are one of a kind. To know me better, please see -
http://socyberty.com/society/me-a-passion-for-making-a-difference/
I Like It
I have never made up my mind about religion and I quite possible never will. I like to hear about all religions and, for my own beliefs, I borrow what I like from each one and respectfully leave alone that which does not appeal to me. I do not think God wil ever blame me for never choosing. I just do not think God favors one groups religion over another. There is no one way of thinking about God. He is a mystery and shall forever remain so. And that is fine with me.
Dear Lovely photographer, Please read my articles
encounter with destiny and a journey of hope and faith,
religion is mans way to God but a relationship with the person of Jesus Christ is Gods way to man this is a person not a place,
God Bless you, there are no atheists in fox holes and Darwin
renounced his theory of evolution on his death bed.
and believed in The living God in the person Of Jesus Christ,
this is a temporary place there is eternal life with Jesus.
if you seek the truth with your whole heart you will find it, ask Him if He is real and read the Gospel of John the truth will set you free
Thank you for sharing your story. I am always interested why and how some people become atheists. I can relate to your experiences as I also questioned and rejected religion only that it lead me to relationship with God rather than to rejection of Him.
A very decent story