Published by Everyone of us desire a good thing. While some people desire to own cars, mansions, power or fame, others desire to have a good name, a good reputation and a strong legacy worthy of emulation.
Much as it is the joy and desire of every man to have a good wife, it is also very interesting to know that the primary thing every right-thinking lady desires is to have a good husband, a healthy, stable and productive family.
Below are some things to consider while waiting or attempting to catch a good husband.
Know Who You Are: If kindness begets kindness, goodness also begets goodness and quality begets quality. You must know who you are as a lady desiring to have a good husband. You must evaluate your own goodness and quality and then weigh it on a scale to see if you deserve a good husband. A good husband cannot come your way if you are not a good lady. Even if he mistakenly stumbles on you or you on him, he will also mistakenly go away.
The good thing about it all is that, no matter how you pretend to be good on the outside, if you hook a good guy, your true worth will soon be exposed after your wedding. Don’t forget, the most expensive wedding in the world does not guarantee a divorce or separation so you cannot use wedding as a bait or condition for making him remain with you when he discovers to his surprise that you are an exact opposite of whom you claim to be. That will even drive him miles away from you quicker than you can imagine. A Pastor once wedded a lady on Saturday and divorced her the next Sunday.
Since no one can give what he or she doesn’t have, if you are not sure of who you are, leave a good husband alone. Good men who will become good husbands are scarce like gold and they have God’s protection over them.
Know who you are. Build a strong and good moral. Be godly, straightforward and humbly original. No faking, pretending, double-dealing. The moment you are able to sort out yourself and you and God are convinced that you are a good lady, a good husband will definitely come your way.
Who Exactly Are You Looking For: This is also very important in your desire to get a good husband. Who exactly are you looking for? Are you looking for a Mr. Perfect, ready made, highly educated, gorgeous-looking, fair-skinned, tall or rich man or you are looking for quality in the person?
Don’t be deceived. Looks can be deceptive. Don’t be deceived either by your parents or friends. Of course, all that glitter cannot be gold. Define who you are looking for. Your definition of the kind of man you want to marry should exclude his external attributes or features.
Do a serious surgery or research on his spirituality, IQ, psyche, temperament, emotional stability, character, beliefs, vision, etc. If your definition stops at his looks, good job, bank account, connection, background, popularity or oratory, you are going to be in trouble.
Nature has so done it that the land or soil in which gold is buried does not look anything important. In the same vein, the man that will make a good husband must not come from the family of a president, a business mogul, a high profile religious background or economically sound and loud environment. He may look somewhat struggling but hopeful, trusting God to fulfill his purpose in his life.
Remove Sentiment: Are you a sentimental searcher? If you are, things might be difficult for you. Place your sense of judgment on how good he is and not on the tribe, race or religion he comes from. The modern day love or romance politics does not care where a candidate comes from. His state of origin is inconsequential, provided he is a good man. Who told you that only men who come from the same place with you are good? There are good people everywhere. The thing is, a good person can live anywhere but a bad person cannot live just anywhere for too long; he will be liquidated soon!
If your conscience or mind convinces you beyond every reasonable doubt that the man is good, go for him. If you are good and he is good, your combination will overshadow other forces around you, that is if your people and his are not as good as you two.
The good man you are interested in may not be a member of your Church and it should not hinder you from accepting his offer. Avoid the ungodly practice of denominational or doctrinal Christianity. It is only here on earth we are playing religion. There is no denomination in heaven. There is no Catholic or protestant in heaven. Do not let the bug of denominational differences rob you of the good man whom God has so prepared and carefully kept for you.
Don’t Expect A Mr. Perfect: I briefly talked about it a while ago but I would like to do a larger justice to it right away. Expecting a Mr. Perfect is one gullible mistake most ladies make when looking or desiring a husband. Who is Mr. Perfect and who is Miss Perfect? There is no one like that in the world. Just check yourself. Are you perfect? Why should be running from pillar to post, rejecting men here and there because you are looking for Mr. Perfect?
No human being who is perfect will like to remain on planet earth with all the evils going on around us. The only thing is, there are men who are good enough to keep you a marital company for the rest of your life if you are good yourself. We only have good but not perfect men.
You need a good man who will sincerely love you, care for you and not share your love with any other woman for the rest of his life. You may ask: “Are there such men?” The answer is yes. They are good enough to keep their marital vows but not perfect enough not to be tempted. Remember, temptation is different from a practical participation. One can be tempted yet do not fall.
The reason why there are so many unmarried spinsters in reckless abandon is because of the self-deceit called “I’m waiting for Mr. Right.” No one is right. Only God is! If you waited for Mr. Right or Perfect since you were 18, 21 until you are now 35-40, then you have a problem. Perhaps, you are not willing to marry.
If you really want to know if there are Mr. Rights around, go ask your mother if your own father is Mr. Perfect before your mother accepted to marry him. Inquire further if her Mr. Right husband never serially offended her. It is said that expectation is the bane of friendship. If you expect so much from a friend and he or she doesn’t deliver according to your expectation, your relationship is bound to hit the rocks.
We expect so much from people even when we don’t have a fraction of what we expect people to do or be. If you think you are a Miss Perfect or Right, why are you not married up till now? Haven’t you ever fallen to sex since you became 18? Even if you have not done the actual sex, at least, you must have been severally kissed, pinched or shown a penis at one time or the other, not to talk of a possible abortion or pills you have had. What are you talking about?
Do Not Over Snub Or Bluff: One common ailment among ladies is to snub or bluff the opposite sex the moment they know that a man is about to approach them or tells them something romantic or sexy. They will call him certain derogatory names and make mouth at him in order to jeer, sneer or boo.
If a man tells you something you don’t like whether in private or public, don’t overreact. Sit him down or keep him standing and talk a reasonable sense into him. That will teach him lessons than merely hollering at him with your ultra-sound microphone as if you are not interested in a man. Men respect ladies who talk sense rather than those who proudly hala.
Another thing is, most ladies come across their husband almost on a daily basis but they don’t know or recognize them. You may be insulting or overreacting against a man who will eventually become your husband and then the shame will be yours to bear.
Ladies that are harsh and hard to talk with stay a much longer time looking for a husband than soft-minded ones. This is because men are hard by nature and they need something opposite; something soft and tender to calm down their tension, anxiety or challenges. Don’t allow harshness to become your trademark because no matter how beautiful you think you think you are, the beautiful ones are not yet born.
If you harshly tells a guy off and he goes elsewhere to get a wife, tomorrow he will tell you that he would have loved to marry you but for your extreme harshness. The pain on your heart might increase if the guy is a success, if you are still unmarried after many years and if the lady he married looks more gorgeous than you. Since you don’t know who is going to marry you, I advise you tread cautiously. As for romantic or sexy talks or touches, you will get plenty of it from men. Just how do you value yourself as a young lady if no man talks to you or touches you?
Believe In Someone: As a lady of worth, you must know and believe that there is also a man of worth. This sick belief or mentality that all men are the same is wrong. All men cannot be the same and in fact, they are not. If men say never trust a woman, are they right? No. There are women who are worth our trust no matter how morally corrupt the world is. If there are prostitutes all over the place, is it every woman that is a prostitute? Are you one?
All men may be the same in terms of having a penis but then, some of them can’t even function even though they have it, so how are they the same? Men are different in character, belief, practice or action. Don’t lump all of them together and conclude that they are bad. If you think all men are the same, how then can you ever get a good one to marry?
Be Vigilant: Any security man who wishes to retain and enjoy his job and stay out of trouble must be hardworking and seen to be hardworking and vigilant for thieves so that no property is stolen. A vigilant security personnel earns favour and promotion from both his master and people around him.
If you must get a good husband, you must be vigilant so that yours does not pass you by. Your husband may be that man whom you see or play with every time yet if you are not carefully vigilant, you can lose him to another bidder. Ladies often expect their husband to come from afar or somewhere, not knowing that the man nearest to them now actually came from somewhere so they could have access to him. Or do you think he was born and bread in that locality?
There are some good brothers you ignore or neglect in the Church, fellowship, association meeting, neighbourhood or even in the work place because they do not own a car, live in a good house or in a high-brow area or dress expensively. You forget that their future is in God’s hand and can be brighter, richer and more successful than what you see of them now. You just don’t rudely or ignorantly draw a sweeping conclusion that these ones cannot go far in life as if you are their Creator; as if their destiny is in your hands.
Learn not to underrate or undermine people because the ‘never-do-wells’ today can become tomorrow’s action people. Those who do gra-gra to hit it big today may end up crashing like a pack of cards tomorrow. The unwritten arithmetic of life is that of hasten to climb and easy to drop down. Life is a pendulum; it can swing either way because God did not create people with hatred or designate certain person or persons for punishment .No man is born a failure. The reason why we have failures in the society is because life itself is a bundle of failure. Who do you think came into this to suffer? Those you see as big boys today actually stole something to ‘succeed’.
Guard Your Emotions: A woman’s mind is like a slippery football pitch. She can easily fall, get up and fall several times again . Guard your emotions. Ladies are often carried away by the palpitating gravity of their heart. Today, they vow to be resolute, tomorrow or the next moment, they falter and fumble. What is the problem? Why can’t you make a decision and stand by it? Why can’t you call a spade a spade? Why can’t you respect yourself?
Don’t let your heart deceive you. Scrutinize, filter and weigh whatever a man tells you before you swallow or act on it hook-line-and-sinker. You may swallow a wrong idea which will hook your neck. Never you be deceived by a mere marriage proposal or promise to open your thighs because most men will deny you when you become pregnant. If they don’t deny you, they will still prefer a ‘chassis to the ‘tokumbo’ they have made of you.
Reject Imposition: Never allow your parents, guardian or relations choose a man for you. They may say he is good, rich or connected to convince you but it is good for you to know or discover the man yourself because you are the one going to his house.
If you marry a man by hearsay, you will live with him by hearsays because you know little or nothing about him. No matter how good a man is said to be, know him yourself. Try to know him personally because when the chips are down, only you will bear the cross. Don’t even allow him to impose himself on you!
Don’t Bother About Looks: If a man is short but kind, loving and caring, what stops you from desiring him? If he is slim yet good in character, what stops you from desiring him? Why must the man of your choice be tall, handsome, huge and hairy? All those attributes can also be gotten by an empty tank. They are men who have all these yet empty upstairs, rude, arrogant and evil at heart.
Desire a man whose great looks are embedded on the rock of gold in his heart. Forget about faces because looks can really be deceptive. Charles Taylor, former Liberian President, is a very handsome man but he caused a great deal of evil both in Liberia and Sierra-Leone where several thousands of innocent women, children, the youth and elderly were either beheaded, amputated, raped and sent on exile as refugees for years.
If you check very well, most handsome men seem to be possessed with something and lack good character much as beautiful women lack good character. They are proud and empty! I’m not saying you must settle down with a man whose looks evoke a nightmare but of course, your priority should not be bordered on great looks, neither your opportunity be wasted because you want the most handsome husband who may later turn up as a horseband. Handsome husbands or beautiful wives can be very unfaithful at times. So what is so good about good looks? Haven’t you heard about this phrase “Handsome for nothing?” or “Beautiful nonsense?”
Be Natural: Do you want to have a good husband? Be natural, be original, be factual, be simple, be courteous and green. “The land is green, is green, can’t you see? The land is green, is green for you” sang TY Bello. Let it also be “the girl is green, is green, can’t you see?”
Men do not only respect ladies who are natural but deeply love them from the bottom of their heart. Men hate expensive-looking or artificial ladies. It is only artificial men who like artificial women. The real men love the real thing – naturalness.
Be natural in speech, action, movement, dressing ( men would like to see ladies tying wrapper, skirt, skirt suit, skirt and blouse or gown on campus or at home); cooking, etc. Avoid vulgar or computerized speeches which the yahoo-yahoo girls use to entice men. A girl who has never been to Niger Republic would like to speak as if she made a first class degree from Oxford, Cambridge or Harvard University!
Your action should be tailored towards the cultural norm or orientation of your community or family background. Learn good morals from your parents, guardians, relations or foster parents as the case may be. Don’t hang around rough men or places because even if you are a virgin, people will think you are a combination of Jezebel and Rahab – the Jericho prostitute. Check your movement, I mean your style of walking. Don’t walk as if you are under pressure to urinate or your legs are chained. Mind how you roll your backside because it causes so much attraction, distraction, confusion, stares and saliva-swallowing in men as you walk about. Gently count your steps, walk with dignity and if you like, wriggle your waste according to the length of your waistline or the size of your buttocks.
When you dress, don’t dress to kill because if you ‘kill’ all the men morally, emotionally, spiritually or physically, you won’t have a good husband to marry. Don’t expose your stomach area, breast or armpit as if you are looking for a buyer. Avoid dangerous spaghetti wears, those extremely kinky, see-me-through wears that reveal all your curvy statistics. Men are easily demoralized if they see such ‘come-and-sex-me’ appearances.
If you are a good lady, you must have learnt from your mother how to cook good food, either using the firewood, gas or charcoal pot. Much as your father enjoyed your mother’s good cooking, your husband will also like to enjoy yours.
You are going to have problems if you are a Mr. Biggs, Mac Donald’s or Uncle Bens’ lady. You cannot take your husband and children to a restaurant everyday or expect him to do so. Men love good food and they will love it more if the food is prepared in their house because the aroma alone is something.
Be Forward: The Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the LORD.” I want to believe also that the same thing applies to the ladies. As a matter of fact, some married women actually found their husbands themselves but because of society, custom or tradition, they are quiet about it.
There is nothing wrong in a lady finding a husband provided the man is good. If you pretend not find a husband and you know that this particular guy is thoroughly good for you, would you allow another lady have him?
Times have changed and we must change with the time. Be forward to ask a man about his intentions concerning you. It is your life. If he is not thinking or planning to marry you, why must he keep you? Why must he waste your time and tell you cock-and bull stories? You need to step up and do something that will improve your life.
I’m not saying you should go about looking for a husband or asking men out but the moment any man shows a strong desire in you, be bold to ask certain fundamental questions. You must have to be curious about his desire. If you really love him, ask him. If you don’t, even when he shows one million pounds of desire, keep quiet. Tu Face Idibia says” Don’t let opportunity pass you by.”
Ignore Gossips: In our society, community or neighbourhood, there are gossip warriors and giants like Goliath. They must talk about someone whether they are paid or not.
You may be going out with a younger man who truly, really and sincerely loves you but the gossip goliaths would like to gossip you out of the relationship. Don’t go anywhere. The man may be older, averagely okay or anything, don’t bother. It is better to marry a man you love and have respect for and have your peace of mind and health than marry a people’s man who is a replica of Satan in character.
If you mind what people say, you will never mind your business. You will find yourself doing what people say and not what you ever plan or dream to do. That will be dangerous for you because you will end up delaying or outrightly missing your golden opportunity. It is the same gossips who will laugh at you and gossip around that you missed a lifetime opportunity.
Don’t Doubt Yourself: Self-doubt is injurious. If you cannot trust the leading of your heart, who can help you trust your heart? The moment you discover that this is the guy, leave no stone unturned in ensuring that what you believe and hold on to is what you hold on to so that no one else can lay claim to him.
Do not be double-minded about what you have clearly seen belongs to you. A friend told me that she courted a guy for 8 months but did not quite trust him. When the guy called it quits with her, she desperately fought to come back but the smart guy had blocked all avenues of negotiation and reconciliation. The guy married another lady and they live happily after. Meanwhile, my friend has not been able to marry 11 years after.
Self-conviction is an asset. It is only when you personally believe that this thing will work that you worked towards making it work. When you are involved with a good guy, don’t be quick to look out for his grey areas and condemn him into to. First look at his positive areas. If his negative side outweighs his positive side, then you can doubt him. After all, you are not ‘gooder’ than an angel yourself.
Prayer: The place of prayer is paramount. That is why it is the last and not the least point. Pray seriously for God to prepare a good package for you. There is nothing good you ask God from a sincere heart and in solid faith that he will not give.
God himself believes in the marriage institution that is why he established it. He delights in seeing his creatures succeed in his planned programmes for mankind because success glorifies his name.
When you pray, don’t be selfish. Don’t tell God what to do. Tell him to send a good man your way and not a man with the kind of physical attributes you want. God appreciates every creature of his and he knows exactly what to do and who to give or send to you.
A man told me that he only told God he would like to marry in humble prayers and God kept a brand new virgin of about 21 years old for him even when he was not a virgin himself. He did not dictate to God, so God gave him something special to reward his humility. I believe him because King Solomon asked for wisdom instead of wealth and God gave him both wisdom and wealth!
Selfishness in prayer reminds God that we are ready to reject those he does not reject or abandon those he has pardoned. There is no time we pray according to God’s will and purpose that he does not answer. May God’s grace upon your life help you to pray for every other thing in life according to his perfect will. Amen.
