How to Overcome Envy

I was checking my Facebook account recently when I noticed my friend’s status was set to “a full day 5 islands trip with snorkeling, sun, sea and sand”. Upon reading it my heart sank with envy. Five islands trip, how marvelous and expensive (she has two kids). I could not help but wonder where in the world she got all that money? I kept on thinking what does her husband do for a living? Why can’t I afford that? Even with just my husband and I, we have to scrimp to save for any trips, not just holidays.

In Mark 7:22, Jesus listed envy as one of the sinful things that come out of a person’s heart. It is undeniable that envy is destructive not only for the one who is envious but also the person who is being envied. The problem with envy is that it focuses on other people’s boundaries and we stop focusing on our side of the fence. By being envious we are neglecting our responsibilities of taking care of things that fall within our sphere of control. Possessions and accomplishments are not the only thing we envy. We can also envy a person’s personality. Take for example King Darius’s officers and administrators who envied Daniel in Daniel 6:1-4. Daniel was appointed by the king along with two others to supervise the high officers and to protect the king’s interests. The envious officers had plotted to bring Daniel down but they could not find any fault in him because of Daniel’s integrity.

There are three reasons why we are being envious. First, someone did a better job than we are. Second, we saw others who are known for their wickedness prosper more than we are. Third, we have negatives competitive spirit – our fuel for pursuing success is motivated by our envy of others achievements.

There are few scriptures in the Bible that talk about envy but none as hard-lined as these two:

“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition there you find disorder and every evil practice.” ~ James 3:14-16 (NIV)

“Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous.” ~ Proverb 27: 4 (NLT)

What is so destructive about envy is that we focus so much of our time and energy being resentful towards those that possessed what we do not have and continue not to have, unless we take responsibility for our lack. Take for example a middle-aged man who feels unmotivated in his career and dreams to pursue something else, yet does not have the courage to pursue it. He feels resentful towards those who have “gone for it”. Another example is of a single woman who envies her married friend’s marriage yet unwilling to go out on dates herself.

These two individuals are stuck in their situations and feeling resentful towards others. Now, I believe that all of us must have feel this way some time in our lives. We are not perfect and no matter how much we try not to fall into the trap of being envious, we can not escape it forever. However, we do not have to stuck with our envy for the rest of our lives. Whenever that envy monster threatens to chock you, simply follow the steps below prayerfully and by God’s grace I believe anyone would be able to overcome the sin of envy.

Step 1: Ask yourself “why do I resent this person?”

Stop and reflect to understand the root of your envy. Acknowledge that you feel envious and make a resolution to change. Remember, we become resentful because we do not have what others have. This is the only reason, but it is important to admit it to yourself.

Step 2: Ask yourself “what am I lacking?”

Identify the things that you want for yourself, materially or immaterially.

Step 3: Ask yourself “why don’t I have it?”

This might be the hardest part for some people because it requires honesty. It is easy to be emotional and answer with bitterness – “because I don’t earn more”, “because she’s prettier/smarter/wealthier/more educated than I do” etc. These reasons may be true but go deeper and try to uncover the real truth. Why don’t you earn more? It could be because you are too afraid to take risks and change your job. May be you are not using your full potential. As you probe deeper you might discover different issues that are too painful to admit. But God might want you to face them now to save you from further destruction.

Step 4: Ask yourself “do I truly desire it and what is my motive?”

Is this something you really want? Remember it is not wrong to pursue things we do not currently possess. However, our motives got to be right. God always insist that we glorify him in whatever things that we do. Beware of selfish motives and negative competitive spirit. Write it down and pray about it.

Step 5: Action plan

Once you are certain that this is something you want to pursue, make an action plan. Set up your goals and work hard to achieve them. One word of caution, do not compare yourself to others.

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” ~ Galatians 6:4 (NLT)

Step 6: Be prepared to let it go

If after much praying and getting advices from others and it was revealed that your motive is not right, be prepared to let it go. God has creative ways for us to uncover hidden issues within our hearts that are less than godly. Perhaps your envy is one of such ways.

I personally have practiced these steps and though they had guided me to achieve wonderful things, they did also reveal some truths about myself. Some were very painful to admit to myself but when I decided to face them and resolve to change, I knew that I would be a better person in the end. With God’s guidance, I believe that you too can overcome your envy or whatever ugly truths that you may discover along the way.