Published by How can we improve our marriages? Our relationships with others? I believe through God. He can guide us and give us the tools to have good relationships with those in our lives. The most important relationships we will ever have are with 1st our spouse and second our children. I lean on my religious beliefs, my scriptures for guidance on my relationships. Especially with my husband and children. I have a particular passage in the Book of Mormon, Alma 32 28-43 that is my favorite. In it nurturing your testimony is talked about. Ways to grow and increase faith in the Lord. I like to read this passage and think of the words faith and seed as interchangeable with marriage and relationships. If I can nurture my relationships, care for them. Give them time and love like I do my faith they will grow, they will bloom into something bigger, beautiful that God can be a part of. In Alma 32:28 he talks of planting the seed, a good seed, a true seed. If I think of that as love- I am planting love in my marriage, in the relationships with my children, my family and friends. I want to water it, let it have air and sun. So how do I do that with my marriage, with my relationships in life? I read further into Alma 32 for more direction. I pray for more direction. In Alma 32 28-43 it is said if it is planted and it is good it will swell, it will grow. My marriage and love are like that.
Alma 36 Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith
(marriage), for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed
that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good.
37 And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us
nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow
up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it
with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.
This part really touches me:
38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its
nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of
the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers
away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good,(this is not
because DH is no good) neither is it because the fruit thereof would
not be desirable (neither is it because your marriage is not
desirable or wont work); but it is because your ground is barren,(we
planted in the wrong place…we started off wrong and have been going
about it all wrong) and ye will not nourish the tree ( we don’t pray
together or read scriptures together or do anything but fight
together…both of our faults), therefore ye cannot have the fruit
thereof.
40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with
an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit
of the tree of life.
41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it
beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with
patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root;
and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.
42 And because of your adiligence and your faith and your patience
with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold,
by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious,
which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all
that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall
feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not,
neither shall ye thirst.
43 Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and
your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the
tree to bring forth fruit unto you.
So how do we grow and nourish our love? Our marriages? Our relationships? I have had lots of opportunity to think on this as someone with a struggling marriage I often turn to my faith and the Lord. Some of the things that come to mind are: Prayer- togeter as couple, family and alone. I dont pray for my husband to change- ok I do but I also pray for me to accept him as a Child of God. For me to have unconditional love for him, for my children, for all the relationships in my life. Scripture Study. I read my scriptures prayerfully. I try to think of how they apply to my life now, as it is today, as it can be, as I want it to be. I read books by Church leaders, by others of my faith that may be going through similar trials in their lives. Talking- open, honest communication. Listen, hear the words but also the feelings. Many times when my husband and I are arguing its not the words its the feelings that are important. Make time for eachother and make time for myself. I need time with those I have relationships with. I also need time for me. I don’t need much alone time, but sometimes a minute to regroup, sort my feelings is needed. Attend Church and the Temple. Alone or together. I prefer to go with my husband. At the current time thats not possible so I go alone. I pray for the day he can go with me. Acceptance- I choose to have unconditional love for those that are in my life. Now that does not mean I allow them to hurt me or my family. But I can love them, even if from a distance. Forgiveness! I think this is big. If I harbor every angry feeling I ever have it will harm every relationship I have. I have learned to forgive, and the faster I do it the better I am. I don’t forgive for the benefit of the other person, I forgive for me, for my relationships. Anger carries over into every part of life. I do not want it to.I have spent the last few years working hard to save my marriage. I have learned a lot. Some about my marriage, some about relationships in general. I truly believe that in marriage to be truly happy you need to include God as a partner. I have found Guidance from reading spiritual literature can help improve and strengthen any marriage. My Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has lots of information to help improve marriage. I lean on it heavily, but more I lean on the Lord. I pray daily to know how I should approach each day, what direction I should take. The following passage is from The Book of Mormon. Someone I know suggested reading this passage and interchanging marriage or relationship with seed or tree. I read it several times and each time it hits home. If I apply this to my relationship with my husband how can my marriage fail. I can apply it to any relationship in my life, my children, my siblings, parents, even friends. I try to remember and apply this daily. I have printed this and it hangs on my wall in my room. I also have a copy in my dinning room. I have high lighted it in my Book of Mormon. Even if you are not LDS, if you read it and ponder it it can still impact how your relationships are. It has become a piece of poetry to me, it sings to my heart. I have shared this with everyone I know. Many have applied it and their marriages are stronger, and many have applied it to other relationships in life. I have shared this with my husband in hopes of saving our marriage. This could apply to so many things in life. Our marriages especially. If we truly feel this way, act and treat our marriages as we do our testimonies can you imagine how they would grow! If the world treated their marriage that well, as such a precious thing marriages would not fail. People would work harder to save them, to protect them, to nurture them from the start. So often we take for granted, and we do not place it in as important a place as it should be. Celestial marriage is our number one goal as LDS people, yet so often we do not make a conscious effort to save, improve, nurture our relationship, our marriage, our love. We should! Even if your not LDS you can apply this. Nurture your relationships, care for them daily. How? There are many ways. Talking- make time each day for your spouse. Talk about your feelings, listen to his/her feelings. Walks, holding hands, simple things as watching the stars. Little notes of “I love you” on the mirror, in a lunch, on the dash board. Never going to bed angry or sleeping apart. Never taking for granted that special someone. Remember they are loved by God and should be treated as a special person. Given love and respect. Even if you do not agree on everything there is compromise. Give and take. I have applied this to other relationships in my life and I have seen them grow and become beautiful relationships. I know my marriage is not in a good place right now. But I pray for it daily, I pray for God’s will daily, his guidance. I think making the decision to nurture my marriage is the best way to possibly save it. No matter what happens on earth I know I want the Celestial marriage, Eternal marriage. There is no way to have that with out nurturing and growing the relationship. I hope that you can read, ponder, pray and apply to your lives, you relationships, and marriage. And for those of you that have already done so- Keep on doing!
