I don’t care how old you are, when a parent is terminally ill, it makes your whole world turn upside down. Well, maybe not for everybody who reads this because some people aren’t close to their parents. But if you are, you will relate to every word I’m about to say…..if you are a Christian.
I have recently been faced with the news that my mother only had a 5% chance of survival. When the doctor said that, I looked at him and said “you have no idea how strong my mother is and apparently, you don’t know my God. That choice is His”.
Admittedly, my faith faultered many times during the ordeal of my mother being in ICU for 8 weeks. I cried more than I had ever cried in my life. I prayed….no, wait, I begged God more than I’ve ever begged Him for anything. Don’t take my mother. Not yet.
Talking to my mother though she was in a medically induced coma for 3 weeks, I told her that I knew she wanted to see her mother because she hadn’t seen her in almost 29 years but in order for her to do that, I had to give MY mother up. I asked her to remember how empty she was when her mother left her and assured her that it was nothing compared to how it would be for me if she left me. I begged her not to go….not yet.
Of course, I’ll never be ready and anybody who’s close to a parent wants to let go. I tried to focus on “absence from the body is presence with the Lord” but it just wasn’t working for me. I tried to “let go and let God” but I’ve always had a difficult time doing that. But I had absolutely no trouble at all begging God to leave my mother with me.
And as a Christian, I know that God answers every prayer. And He answered mine and those of all the many people who were praying for my mother’s complete recovery. He said “yes”. He does’t always say “yes” but He did this time and my faith has been renewed.
Why I ever doubted Him, why I couldn’t just turn all my concerns over to Him, why my faith faultered thru this ordeal, when I knew that if anybody had moved away it was me……I don’t know. I guess its all just human. God never leaves you. All you have to do is turn around and you’ll hit Him right square in the chest. He’s always there….whether you know it or not. And He’s not your co-pilot. He’s always the pilot…no matter who you are.
So, thank you God, for allowing me the blessing of keeping my mother here on earth so I could love her and do for her as much, if not more, than I have in the past.
