When Seeking God is Not the Answer

Whenever I get a toothache the last place I think about running to is to the dentist. I will try every remedy available to me to keep from going. Bottom line: in my thinking it is going to take pain to relieve pain. The dentist represents pain to me. Yet, there have been those moments when I gave in, after crawling on the floor in pain for several days. What a relief to discover that in less time, a little pain relieved the larger pain.

We have those moments in our life when emotional, mental or spiritual pain is so great we just want to hide. We know, however, that the best place is in the clutches of a loving God. Even though we may tiptoe to His throne sometimes, we do eventually end up there. Oh what a relief to discover that His comfort, even if it requires chastening, far outweighs the pain we were going through.

I have recently discovered that there are times in our lives when running to God is not necessarily the answer or our subsequent response.

There is a pain that reaches so far into the soul and into the spirit of man that nothing in this earth can relieve or satisfy. In its course, there is no thinking of hope. There is only the thought of moving away from the pain. In such depths of sorrow, death seems to be the only remedy.  It is not the death that we are so familiar with. In ordinary pain (if there is such a thing), the thought is to just separate oneself from the pain so that the life can continue to be lived.

The pain that I am talking about moves quickly from the acute stage, taking a downward spiral in just a matter of minutes, crossing the paths of depression, oppression; a hopelessness that cannot be separated from the mind, the body or the soul. The only relief for this kind of pain is not separation from the pain, but for all that hurts to simply become non-existent.

There is not a need to talk to anyone about it. They will all tell you the same thing. Seek God. Go to God. Read your bible. Pray, pray, pray.  Lose yourself in Him. Turn your focus to Jesus.

If this is your answer to those who may come to you in pain, then you, yourself, have not experienced this type of pain.

Before we go further, let it be understood that I know there are times when we must obey the word that speaks of seeking Him. Diligently seeking, as one scripture informs us, brings about a reward. However, there are also instances where the individual was not searching nor seeking for God for a reward or relief. The phenomenon is that God came without invitation.

Moses had created quite a stir among the Hebrews and the Egyptians when he killed the Egyptian. An act of service put a sentence on his head and the only recourse he came up with was to run.  Scripture does not tell us if there was communication between God and Moses prior to the recorded burning bush event. So, for forty years Moses does not hear from God, nor is there an indication that he is seeking Him out.

There is also no indication that when this event took place (the burning bush) that Moses was in any particular pain or discomfort physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. All I have been able to figure out is that when Moses ran, he left his destiny behind. At some point in time God made the decision that it was time for Moses to return.  However, he does not return the same man. A transformation must take place; hence the event which would forever change history, Moses and the children of Israel. Let us not forget that it forever changed our lives as well.

When God decided the time was right He made Himself known to Moses. He used whatever bait was necessary to get his attention. It worked, for the scriptures tell us that Moses “turned aside to see.”

Paul was on the road to Damascus. Quite a familiar set of facts for most of us. He was not looking for God. He did not see a need to search for Him. After all he believed what he was doing (killing people) was in the service of the Lord. Eventually, when the Lord sees fit to circumvent Paul’s activities and move him into a different service He shows up in a spectacular way. He blinds Paul, identifies Himself, and directs Paul to a place to wait for further instruction.  Then God interrupts Ananias by giving him a vision, telling him to minister to Paul and take him a message.

None of these that I have mentioned seemed to be experiencing the kind of pain I previously described. Yet, God showing up on the scene was not at their bidding. There are two situations in the bible where God showed up because of pain and despair and a great need. There seems to be an ultimate pattern to God showing up in places where people did not necessarily call for Him.

God did not move fast enough for Sarah and Abraham, so Sarah gave Hagar, her Egyptian maid, to Abraham for the purpose of bringing forth a child.  After Ishmael was born to Hagar and Abraham, then Sarah conceived and had Isaac. Now that she has the promised seed, there is no longer a need for Ishmael and Hagar to be around, so Sarah convinces Abraham to put them out. After wondering around in the wilderness with the drinking water now gone, Hagar begins to cry out. However, it is not her voice that God responds to. It is the voice of Ishmael that seemed to open heaven.

Genesis 21:16 And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.

Vs 17 And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.

Hagar’s cry was one of despair. She was prepared for her child’s inevitable death from starvation and dehydration. She probably figured her life would follow him into the same death. She cried out. God not only answered the cries of her son; but commissioned him as well:

Genesis 21:18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.

God provided water and care for Ishmael while they were in the wilderness.

So Hagar and Ishmael got more than they thought they would get. God came to them in their hour of desperation. Hagar did not seek God. Ishmael did not seek God. God supernaturally intervened on a situation that He had been involved in twenty-five years earlier.

The destiny of Ishmael was wrapped up in the covenant God made with Abraham. God honored His covenant and took care of Ishmael because he came from Abraham’s loins.

Then there is Elijah. In 1 Kings 18 Elijah has a tremendous time as fire poured out from heaven, consuming the altar of Baal. He then killed all of the prophets of Baal. All in a day’s work for Elijah. He seemed to flow in a relentless strength and power that followed him and preceded him. Yet, with this last encounter Jezebel directs all of her wrath toward Elijah. The scripture tells us in 1 Kings 19:3 that when he “saw what Jezebel said she would do to him” he literally ran for his life. He ended up under the juniper tree, wanting to die. What despair! What pain! He was physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. He had used all of his strength building, trusting and killing. He was tired. The only recourse he saw for himself was to die. There was no separating the pain so he could live. The only answer is to die.

I have always been amazed at this story because God does not seem to get mad at Elijah for wanting to die. I’ve heard sermons where Elijah was ridiculed for his fear, but I can personally understand what he was going through. I have had to deal with the spirit of Jezebel more times than I care too. A Jezebel spirit is more than manipulative and controlling. This spirit is just plain mean. You do not even have to do anything. Just breathe and this spirit can decide you are breathing in her space and she will do whatever it takes to try to remove you.  If she cannot remove you, she will attempt to destroy you.

My first knowledgeable encounter with this spirit was almost twenty years ago. It was devastating and required an act of God to restore me. I have since had other encounters which have actually been worse than my first one.

Notice that the scripture says “he saw what she said.” He could see her actually carrying out her threat. For those of you who are quite brave, you may wonder how seeing what she was saying became a greater matter to him then calling fire from heaven and killing all of those prophets of Baal with a sword. My question to you would be what condition would you be in physically, emotionally and spiritually after such a battle, to have to contemplate entering another battle?  Elijah did not have time to recuperate from his last battle.

Sometimes we can become so busy doing the “ministry thing” that we do not take the time to recuperate. Sometimes there is not opportunity to rest.  When we are in a leadership position the needs and those we are leading begin to take precedence over our own needs. We may move from putting out one fire to another without taking a breath. Crisis management seems to be the order of the day. A Jezebel or controlling spirit is well schooled in how to take advantage of us. This spirit lies in wait until the last battle is fought so that a new battle can ensue prior to recovery from the last. This spirit will take unfair advantage of you and me, regardless of your maturity and years in ministry. There is only one way to deal with a Jezebel spirit and that is direct confrontation. However, like Elijah, we can see her wrath and choose to run rather than confront.

Regardless, Elijah did not seek God. He sought death. God came to him to strengthen him; not to kill him. He made sure Elijah was fed and that he was able to rest. God met Elijah where he was. He responded to his needs and He responded to His concerns. He did not chastise Elijah for running in fear. He ministered to him in the midst of his fear.

I have discovered when you reach that point in your life where you feel like you are at the end of yourself; where you feel like the only relief from this pain is to simply not exist any longer; God will be there.

David said in several of the psalms:

Ps 16:10 For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

 Ps 86:13 For great [is] thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.

 Ps 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou [art] there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou [art there].

I am comforted in the knowledge that God knows when, where and how to find me, even if I try to hide myself in death. I am His and His promises have become more real to me in this season of my life than ever before.

I have walked with the Lord for a long time. Never have I experienced the depth of despair as I have over this last year; and especially the last couple of weeks. There were times I felt like I was hanging on by mere shreds of hope. Then one day I woke up and that shred of hope was gone; snatched away because I saw what was said.

The Invitation

If you will take note, though God has shown up many places in scripture (and in our lives) without purposed invitation, He rarely comes without an invitation. He gave Moses an assignment to deliver the children of Israel from Egypt. He gave Paul the assignment to turn the Gentiles from darkness to light. He gave Abraham the assignment to become a father to many nations. He gave Ishmael the assignment to become a great nation. He gave Elijah the assignment to raise up a spiritual son (Elisha), anoint Jehu (whose assignment was Jezebel) king over Israel and anoint Hazael as King over Syria.

When you get to the end of yourself, expect your next assignment.