When The Holidays Hurt

Whether it is relatives not showing up, domestic bickering, or a senseless killing, the holidays in some way become tainted for almost everyone, even if they are not directly touched by a negative experience.

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No one really wants to hear or be the victim of a fourth quarter layoff, other loss of work, debilitating disease, major weather disaster, loss by fire or theft, ongoing war, or any other tragedy, especially during the holidays. One of the worse things I ever heard was about a spouse who was presented divorce papers on Christmas.

Things like this hurt all of us and bring sadness, even if we are not directly involved. However, there is a God given way to handle these hurts.

The Foundational Cure

Our soul, what the Holy Bible collectively describes as the place of our affections, is the main recipient of these hurts. When the soul pains with emotions like sadness, loneliness, fear, worry, disappointment and anger it affects our spirit (wherein lies our will) and our body. Notice, though, that our will resides in our spirit.

Ever since Adam sinned, our entire being–spirit, soul, and body–is wrecked by sin. We have a sinful nature that reacts very poorly to many negative experiences and generates more sin in our lives.

The Word of God informs us of the Good News that God actually intervened through Christ. His vicarious life and sacrificial death are the keys to healing the hurts of the holidays. But keep in mind that just as medicine prescribed for an illness will not help the sufferer while it sits on the shelf, the greatest relief we can get to conquer the hurts is to be committed to Christ to the point where our will has yielded to His will. When this happens, with our willful participation God can bring our soul in line with His will. Here is how it works.

The Rescue Work by God

After the fall of Adam, mankind needed a new start, and got that new start when Messiah (Christ) was conceived by a virgin. Christ always existed, but God personally intervened by having Christ veiled in human flesh. This had to be done without the the help of a human father since sin is predominately transmitted from one generation to another through the male (Romans 5:12). This is one reason why Messiah had to be born of a virgin. Though Mary herself was a sinner, having a sin nature, we know this was corrected by the power of God when Mary conceived, for it is written in Luke 1:35, “The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.”

Before we think that Christ led a perfect life because He was God veiled in flesh we need to remember Philippians 2:5-8 (the Greek word for “form” in verse 6 means having the actual nature, so “being in the form of God” means He was in very nature God). This passage shows that Christ, though very God, chose not to operate as God, but chose to be what we are supposed to be–led by the Holy Spirit. With that, Messiah encountered troubles and temptations as we do, but each time He responded to them the way the Father wanted as directed by the Holy Spirit. Here are two Holy Scriptures that confirm He took our problems and was also confronted with temptations:

Isaiah 53:3–He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Hebrews 4:15–For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

As we look in the New Testament at the earthly life of Christ we see He encountered a number of sorrows including, but definitely not limited to, being considered illegitimate, thought of as crazy and demon possessed, misunderstood, mocked, and betrayed by a close friend. Worse yet, He was murdered by the very people He loved and ministered to–the ultimate hurt.

Yet, we see in Hebrews 4:15 He went through all of this and came out victorious–without sin. Now, by His Spirit, He can actually reign within anyone, provided they give full control to Him.

It is a learning process though. It takes practice to train our will to say no to sinful reactions to hurts and yes to the living action of Christ within us, but it certainly can be done.

As the Spirit of Christ resides in us, He will lead us to do a number of things when our soul is afflicted.

Worship and Prayer

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One of the foundational things we are to do is to commune with God through Christ. While this means talking to God about our hurts and asking Him to soothe us, it really includes the fact that the preface of prayer usually is worship. That certainly can be difficult especially when it seems like you life is falling apart before your eyes. It is even difficult when the hurt is relatively a minor one. Nonetheless, by obeying the Holy Scripture in faith and praising God at all times we, with the help of God, have taken a huge step on to victory over any hurt. What we are doing is permitting our sin nature to be crucified with Christ. And since Christ rose, those that crucify the sin nature are raised to newness in Him.

Fortification by the Word

Among other things the Word of God is described as bringing life (Psalm 150:50), a lamp and a light (Psalm 119:105), true (Psalm 119:160), and enduring forever (1 Peter 1:25). Revelation 19:13 identifies Christ as the Word of God. A holy shield is created when we put our trust in Christ, for it is written in Proverbs 30:5, “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.”

We are strengthened when we feed upon His Word–reading, studying, and memorizing it. As we are nourished in Him, we grow in Him, taking on His very personality, and His Spirit within us should be permitted by us to respond to the hurts that will certainly come our way. However, do not wait for the hurts to come, but learn to listen and respond to His Spirit in all things.

Transformation of the Mind

A major help in combating holiday hurts, or hurts at anytime, is to have our mind be transformed by God. We actually need to stop thinking the way we are used to and think like God would think.

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For example, for many there is a heavy focus upon the material things during the holidays. If you celebrate Thanksgiving then many of us have been influenced by society to think we have to have turkey or ham for that day. For Christmas I often have to cringe when I hear someone say they must have toys for their children or material gifts for their loved ones otherwise it is not Christmas!

When we take on the mind of Christ though, the eternal and spiritual will be in focus. Then we will see we have something better than holiday food and things that we can give that are not material, or that which God would enable us to make for someone.

Transformation of our mind is surely necessary especially when we lose our job. Even the Word of God tells us if one does not work, they should not eat. However, employment might be very difficult to find depending upon a number of circumstances. The key here is to trust God, not yourself, to open those doors He would open. It would also be good to pray that the economic situation in your area would improve.

Also, there is another change of focus when we let our minds be transformed into Christ’s. The focus is removed from self and placed upon God and the will of God.

Strengthened by Obedience

Praying, feeding upon His Word and having our minds transformed are essential, but we have to take action to allay the hurts that will come our way.

For example, let us say you find yourself alone on a holiday. No one has come over, no one has invited you anywhere, no one has called or written. In prayer, realize that God is there with you and praise Him for His Presence and care. Ask God to show you how to be a blessing to someone. It might be something simple as spending time in prayer for them right where you are at, walking down the street and praying for your neighbors as you walk by their homes, sending encouraging e-cards, or other things as led by the Holy Spirit.

Immediate Response

By all means, with the help of God train yourself to respond immediately in a godly way whenever a hurt strikes you. Do not feed the hurt, focusing upon it which, in reality, means one is focusing upon self. While there are times you might have to analyze a situation, be careful not to fall into the trap of self pity. Instead, immediately worship, then pray asking Christ to live through you.

As soon as you can, get to the Word of God and let His Holy Spirit guide you to the passage you need. Listen to the Holy Spirit and if you are having thoughts that Christ would not entertain then take the initiative and think upon those things that bring godly fruit. After this, do whatever the Holy Spirit would lead you to do.

The Counselor and His Word

It would take a book to address each specific hurt mentioned at the start of this article along with those not mentioned. One-to-one counseling would also be needed in many cases. However, the good news is that the true Counselor is just a sincere prayer away and the Holy Bible is available to most people. Even if you do not have a copy of a good translation of the Word of God, when you chat with the true Counselor, you are also speaking to the Author of the Holy Bible and the very Word of God Himself. The Holy Bible tells us that His Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth.

This is the work of the Good Shepherd and blessed are those who lovingly nestle in his bosom. When the hurts come, go to Him so He may anoint your head with His oil, and so He may pour both His wine and oil into the emotional wounds you might have suffered.