Published by I had a verbal tiff with my husband a couple of nights ago over our newly bought computer. Like a couple of ecstatic children we played around with it, trying to discover its features. We played some songs and tinkered around with the audio setting to find our desired effect. Then the speakers turned mute. We tried to undo whatever things we did but the speakers stayed silent. In frustration I started to say some unkind words to my husband. He retaliated with some sarcastic remarks. Needless to say, a cold war had been declared and I stormed out of the room, fuming.
You might think what a silly child I was. Perhaps you are right. I did acted ridiculously like a two-year-old that night.
I took my time to digest the consequences of my conduct. I went to take a shower and read an article I had wrote earlier in the day. I ignored my husband and continued to sulk. As I leafed through my journal looking for some fresh writing materials, my eyes caught a scripture that I had scribbled down.
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” ~ Hebrews 12: 14
My goodness, it struck me how unholy I was that night! As I humbly reflected on my foolish attitude, secretly I felt ashamed. Though it hurt my pride to admit that I had offended my husband, I also knew that by maintaining a defiance spirit I would put a strain in our relationship.
Why do we need to apologize? As I searched deeper into my heart and with God’s wisdom from the Bible, I concluded there are four main reasons why apology is essential to heal all broken relationships.
Reason 1: We apologize to heal a broken relationship
As cheesy and cliché as this may sound, none of us are perfect. Our imperfection would hurt us and those around us. We can never avoid offending someone and that is where the need to apologize comes in. When we offend someone, we need to ask ourselves how much do we value that relationship. Can I have a loving relationship with my husband if I insist of holding onto my grudge? Definitely a loud resounding NO.
I value my marriage and I want to have a loving relationship with my husband. This reason alone enough to move me to break that icy barrier between us by initiating a reconciliation through an apology. However it does not mean that if we do not value our relationships, we do not have to apologize. By devaluing that relationship we would create further strife which would not be beneficial to everyone involved.
Reason 2: We apologize because we hurt someone
All of us are born with moral law implemented within our souls. Everyone of us have a sense of right and wrong. When we sense our right is violated, we will experience injustice and the need to seek justice to right the wrong. A hostile barrier would exist between us and the offender. The road to heal this broken relationship needs to begin with an offer of apology by the offender. When we feel we do not want to apologize, try to reverse the role. Be emphatic. Jesus summed it up perfectly when he said this:
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” ~ Matthew 7:12
Reason 3: We apologize because apologizing is a choice
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy.” ~ Hebrews 12:14a
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” ~ Romans 12:18
We can have all kinds of reasons for not apologizing. However in the scriptures above, God clearly commanded that as far as it depends on us, we are to live at peace with everyone. I believe that apologizing for whatever wrong that we committed is making the choice to live in peace with the offended.
All of us have control over our boundaries. People might be responsible in triggering our anger buttons but we have control over our reactions towards others. We can choose to react angrily and retaliate or we can choose to assess the situation and think of the wisest way to respond. Now, anger by itself is not evil. It is only natural to feel angry at injustices done towards us. However, whatever negative actions we produce like being violent towards the offender, are clearly not acceptable.
Reason 4: We apologize because we don’t want the devil to win
Since the days of Adam and Eve, Satan has been working over time to deceive mankind. Divorces, family squabbles, broken friendships are the works of the devil. He would try all his best to create havoc everywhere by sowing insidious lies in our hearts. When we refuse to mend the strife, we can be sure that Satan is at work here. He tempts us by constantly fueling our pride with lies and tricking us to believe in delusions. In my case such delusions could be thoughts like “It’s true that I made an ugly remark to him, but he was the one who started the whole thing!”
Never ever let the devil wins. God wants us to live in harmony with everyone and anything that is contrary to this; discords, heartbreaks, pain are from the devil.
The four reasons above convinced me to picked up my courage and humbly sought forgiveness from my husband. He was hurt, of course, but he was forgiving. With the hostile barrier torn down, both of us are free to continue enjoying a loving relationship that every married couple strive to have.
