Fix Your Soul Through Pain

I am 31 years old and always felt that I have led a “decent” life. I have been good to my parents, everyday abide by the law, constantly strive to be a hard-working employee, and said “please” and “thank you” every chance I got. I even prayed and went to church regularly. So what was the problem when my life went into upheaval? Why did I get so lost?

Picture me, the kind of person who didn’t say anything less than polite (curse words are never uttered), the wife that did everything to please her husband, the woman who breastfed both her babies, the stranger that helped anyone in need, the friend that fixed your problem before her own, and the individual you can look up to for inspiration when you felt less than special. I cherished being intelligent, a college graduate, a devoted artist, a savvy marketer, and creative expressionist. I believed in God and I thought he saw everything I was doing… everything I was proud of. I felt blessed.

However, living a decent life doesn’t seem to amount to anything, when all of a sudden you are faced with a cheating spouse, uncontrollable debt, and other unforeseen misfortunes. You then begin to lean on your pride as your source of strength. Anger and resentment, even if hidden, begin to run your mind and then eventually crush your fragile heart. You say to yourself, “what did I do to deserve all this?” You even ask this to God.

I hit bottom by becoming self-destructive. I gave in to my depression and became withdrawn from the world I was in. My marriage fell apart and ultimately moved in with my parents along with my two young kids. I lost a lot of that pride and confidence that I thought was such a positive aspect of my personality. I cried everyday and the pain was so unbearable that I contemplated ending everything somehow.

But there are so many souls that I found out cared about me. They took turns rescuing me and telling me their own stories of grief, loss, frustrations and misfortunes. People told me stories that I never knew about them. I was told that it wasn’t that they didn’t trust me before all this… but until I went through it, I could never fully understand their tales of pain. It was then that I realized that I was not alone in all this. My problems were not unique.

My eyes became more open and my soul was more accepting of the changes that my life was going through. I needed this awakening to become more faithful. I was here to learn a lesson and without these hardships, I couldn’t have grasped the truth about life. My perception is that life and God was preparing me for something bigger than I can imagine. First, he brought me closer to my real friends, and now we are the closest we have ever been. Then, he gave me signs to let me know he was there. The messages were clear and timely. Not mere coincidences but delivered in such a way that witnesses were even amazed by their appearances. It was things like clouds in the sky shaped like hearts and discovering a pearl in an oyster dinner. Special gifts from God during a time when my heart was so sore from breaking that it had become numb.

I am still recovering and there are days that are harder than others. But my soul is dancing again and I owe it all to the power of love. Love can come from those who you least expect, strangers and most of all, God himself. Remember you are never alone. Everyone has that one big section in their life that will test their resolve and spirit. Just remember that through it all, you need to keep your chin up and “Keep the Faith”.