Published by Forgiving someone who has wronged you does not mean that what that person did was not wrong. I notice that in our society, when someone asks for forgiveness, the one wronged will often say” Oh – it’s all right. It was nothing.” Don’t say that if it was not all right. Be honest. If the person believes you when you say that what they did was not a problem for you, how will they know not to do it anymore? It is much better to tell the truth. If telling the truth destroys the relationship, then so be it. A relationship based on lies isn’t much of a relationship.
Forgiving someone who has wronged you does not necessarily mean that you need to trust that person again, or that you need to stay in an abusive relationship. Forgiveness is a gift. Trust must be earned.
Forgiving someone who has wronged you does not mean that you are weak. Forgiving a person does not give that person the right to keep hurting you. If restraining orders are needed, or if someone has committed a crime against you, get the help that you need.
What Forgiveness Does Mean
It means that you will not allow anger and bitterness to grow inside you. When you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you, who suffers? Unless the perpetrator was someone who has, or wants to have a relationship with you, he/she probably couldn’t care less whether or not you extend forgiveness. If you continue to harbour anger and bitterness, it can take over your life and drain out your energy and your joy.
By refusing to let someone “off the hook”, it means that you have to hang on to your end of the rope. You remain tied to the person who wronged you. By letting go, you free yourself.
Forgiveness is a process, not a one time deal. It starts with choosing an attitude of forgiveness, not a victim mentality. Forgiving someone does not mean that you will forget. Unfortunately, humans are not capable of forgetting in the sense that the memory of the wrong done to us will fall out of our brains. It just means that every time the hurt comes to mind, we have to make a conscious decision to let the anger and bitterness go. This takes practice, and mental effort, but after awhile, forgiving others can become our attitude.
The Bible says to pray for those who spitefully use you. When you pray for someone, lifting that person up to God, it makes it hard to stay angry. God will give you a softer heart, so that you see those who hurt you as being human, just like you.
The Lord’s Prayer is a daily reminder for us to forgive those who trespass (sin) against you, as God forgives you for your trespasses. We are all sinners. When we remind ourselves daily of the sin that God has forgiven us, it becomes easier to forgive those who sin against us.
For more reading on this topic see:
School Shootings
You are Truly a gifted writter
Hmmm this one I often think of,
I believe it is up to the one or ones that were wronged to give forgiveness but like you said if they cannot then they just suffer more, forgiving someone who murdered your child or something is easyier said then done.
I also wonder since you are not offering your forgiveness to the person and condemning them to hell are you not commiting a sin yourself and face that same fate?
Wonderful article on forgiveness. It is so true that if you hold on to anger and hurt it is like poison to the soul. Thanks for this topic.
When people say “Oh, it’s okay…” or “It was nothing.” they don’t mean it literally. Going straight out and saying “I forgive you for what you have done to me.” sounds like you’re an arrogant sonuvabitch. Likewise, saying nothing makes you come off the same way. When people say that it’s okay, even if it’s not, they really mean that it’s okay now.
MassterGee – I taught my children to say “I forgive you” and then to name what they are forgiving their sibling for. It’s just basic conflict resolution skills to communicate clearly.
If that sounds too arrogant, just say “apology accepted”. I find that communication works best when you say what you mean, not just assume that the other person understands that you don’t mean it literally.