Green Fire Ritual

It is a gray day as I walk through the woods.  In my backpack is a metal pot, a bag of Epsom salts, aluminum foil, a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a small green notebook.  She instructed me to line the metal pot with the foil, then rip out the pages of the note book and place them in the pot.  On top of the pages I was to pour in the Epsom salts and rubbing alcohol.  I was then to light a match (specifically a match and not a lighter), ignite the contents of the pot and let it burn for about fifteen minutes.  While this is happening I am to call upon the angels to help me with the intention of purification.  I am then to write about how I feel.  As I continue through the woods looking for a good spot it begins to rain.  I think about turning back but then resolve that I will go through with this.  I come to a shack by a lake.  There is no one there.  Behind the shack the roof overhangs enough to provide protection from the rain.  It is there that I prepare the pot.  As it starts to burn I begin to get self conscious perhaps teetering on paranoid.  I fear that someone will see me and ask why I am lighting a fire next to their shed.  I fear that I will have to explain myself and that I will not have a satisfactory explanation.  Five minutes in, the fire continues to burn.  It is not a big fire as I expected, but it continues to burn turning the Epsom salts a brownish color.  The notebook paper contains weeks worth of notes I have jotted down about the negative experiences in my life.  They are all about the fear of looking bad in the eyes of others.  This is precisely the fear that burning these pages in the pot is invoking in me at this very moment.  Suddenly it dawns on me that it is entirely appropriate that I feel paranoid at this time.  It is this sense of paranoia, this fear that has held me back all these years.  There were so many instances where I could have taken a chance but did not because I was afraid I would fail and look incompetent.  There were so many instances where it was easier to hide in my room than to face the possible embarrassment I might experience in the company of others.  Ten minutes in I saw this experience as a test of my resolve to overcome these issues.  Then I heard voices coming.  My immediate impulse was to douse the fire and run.  I looked around the corner of the shed but did not see anyone.  I stayed where I was.  The pot continued to burn. I kept hearing the voices every so often but there was never anyone there.  Fifteen minutes in the pot still burned and a sense of relief overcame me.  I did it.  I began to wonder if I had to wait until the fire was completely out or since fifteen minutes had gone by I could put the fire out on my own.  After twenty minutes I nudged the pan out into the rain and it began to hiss.  The fire went out.  I put the contents of the pot into a plastic bag and put the pot back into my backpack.  She told me not to bring the contents back to my house.  I walked back through the woods feeling exhilaration.  The rain had stopped.