HOW to Make Your OWN Flying Spaghetti Monster

HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER

As a self-confessed pirate and Pastafarian supporter of His (or her) Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (May he touch you with his noodly appendage) I decided it would be good to build my own effigy of the great deity.
Use of actual pasta was clearly likely to be messy, with lots of slippery sauce and a tendency for it to go off rather quickly.  Painted string was likely to look stupid and unconvincing. Then, the FSG does have meatball eyes to add too.
I eventually stumbled on a neat little dog-toy in an everything in store for a pound shop and knew right away what to do. The toy was two small tennis balls painted as big bulbous eyes, on a thick skipping rope style string.. I paid my pound and then bought two packets of rubber bands, the kind with 200 in each, all plain brown elastic. Then I bought a wooden sweeping brush, losing the brush part and keeping the three-foot pole. My final purchased ingredient was a large roll of sticky parcel wrap tape.
So, the ingredients for an effigy FSG recipe – not for eating.
A dog toy with eyeballs.
Approximately 400 plain rubber bands
A broom handle
Parcel tape.
I got home and enshrouded the dog toy in the tape, encasing all but the eyes themselves in the tape, which was the meatball body of the FSG. (Ramen!). I was able to mould the string into a U shape with the eyes sticking up and to the sides nicely.
Now began the really tedious task of cutting the rubber bands open with scissors. I then knotted the elastics together in clusters and draped them randomly over the meatball body, round the eyes and hanging down in strands. It was a slow but strangely cathartic task conducted over days. At a few points, the rubber bands were stuck down with slivers of the tape, which was hidden by the growing tangle of spaghetti. I now mounted the creation on the brush, dressed as a pirate and set off to evangelise FSG culture at various gatherings.
Occasionally, strands of elastic fall off, so my Monster needs replenishing with fresh elastic from time to time, and being an effigy he does not fly, isn’t edible or capable of performing miracles or answering prayers. He’s my FSG and I love him, so there.
For more on the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Pastafarianism, see http://www.venganza.org/
Dread Pirate (Arthur) Chappell, Scourge of three of the Seven Seas (but not telling ya which three, aaarrrr. Ramen.