Published by Angels Sing
On Johnny Mercer’s grave perhaps, but nowhere in the Bible. Biblical angels don’t sing. In The Bible angels show up, state their business and leave. The Greek word aggelos means messenger and is used for heavenly but also earthly messengers (see for instance Mat 11:10 and James 2:25).
Jonah was Gobbled Up by a Whale
Nope. Jonah was gobbled up by a fish and a whale is not a fish. Doesn’t even look like one. The Hebrew word for fish comes from a verb that means “to greatly multiply.” Whales don’t greatly multiply.
Jesus Had Nails through His Feet when He Died
Jesus’ feet are not mentioned anywhere near the crucifixion cycle. In the Emmaus Road scene He states that He’s not a ghost because there are feet sticking out of His tunic. Nothing is said about His feet being pierced.
There is also no reason to assume that He wore a loin cloth on the cross. Hence theologians as far back as Francis of Assisi have pleaded for the Naked Christ.
To no avail. Mankind’s most recognizable image depicts someone being tortured to death but apparently we can’t bear to have Him naked too.
Adam and Eve Got in Trouble Because They Ate a Bad Apple
The kind of fruit they ate is not revealed. It might as well have been a banana. And there was nothing wrong with that fruit because it existed before sin was introduced.
A large majority of images that show Eve reaching for the apple or handing it to Adam, has them modestly dressed in leafy breeches. But according to the story, only after they ate the fruit they discovered that they were naked and covered themselves with leaves.
Jesus was Born in a Stable; Three Magi and Shepherds Huddled Together
Nope. Jesus was born in a house in Bethlehem. That’s why the shepherds that were to greet Him had to leave the fields and go into town (see Luke 2:11 and 15). The shepherds and the magi never meet. The magi story is told by Matthew, who also speaks of a house in Bethlehem and not of a stable in a field somewhere (see Mat 2:11). We don’t know how many magi there were. It could have been two and it could have been two thousand.
Jesus was Very Poor
Not after the magi loaded Him with gold and costly spices, for sure. When Jesus was of age he initiated a private school that was funded by female admirers (Luke 8:3). The amount of money that went around even warranted a treasurer and the student named Judas famously took on the chore (John 13:29). When Jesus died some soldiers took the trouble to game over His clothes (Mat 27:35). That must have been a pretty fancy outfit as the soldiers wouldn’t have competed over some old rags.
The Bible is Peevish about Sex
Quite the contrary. The Bible metaphorizes the relationship between God and mankind most commonly with a marriage and the consummation thereof. The Bible book that deals most specifically with the marriage relationship, namely the Song of Solomon, features some pretty steamy scenes. Hence there is much more sex in the Bible than in anything featuring Sarah Jessica Parker.
One less allegorical act of seduction occurs when Ruth moves in on Boaz, skipping the chit-chat and going straight to working on the lineage of descent that would finally lead to Christ. And that was before they were married, by the way. That same lineage also features a prostitute named Rahab, and speaking of prostitutes, the prophet Hosea was married to a prostitute named Gomer. She kept running off and Hosea kept retrieving her, because unlike anything featuring Sarah Jessica Parker, the Bible argues for sexual purity with deep insights in the human psyche.
A long time ago, a bunch of political big shots decided what would be in the Bible and what not, pretty much by throwing a die.
That would be completely impossible in any age. The Bible is antiquity’s greatest hits. The books that now officially comprise the Bible were widely read and much revered long before it was decided to compile them. They were compiled because the human race had collectively preserved them, and that with unprecedented ardor. The alternative gospels and other ancient books that seem to get so much attention these days were never the bestsellers that the Bible books were, and are consequently either non-extant or exceedingly rare.
A good list, although Jesus WAS born in a stable. He just wasn’t STILL there when the wise men came to see him. By that time Joseph had moved Mary and the baby to a house.
I’ve got to check out that first one about the angels and get back to you.
Lovely pictures, where did you get that one with the couple?
Hi Anne,
What a wonderful surprise. Thanks for commenting.
The shepherds travel from the fields into town on the day that Jesus was born (Luke 2:8, 11 & 16). I doubt that Joseph had moved Mary. Also compare Lev 12:1 to Lev 15:19-23.
The painting you refer to depicts Ruth and Boaz. It was made by an artist named Chris Higham. I retrieved the picture from his website:
http://www.2thessalonians.co.uk/index.html
Matthew 2 was about the Magi, not the shepherds, even by your admission. It would make sense that the shepherds came immediately, and of course the shepherds already knew where Jesus was — in a manger, not in a house (Luke 2:7), unless this house also housed the animals that needed a manger. Then Jesus was moved and apparently there had to be a big search to find him again when the magi started looking for him, according to Matthew 2. Do you have an alternate explanation why shepherds can find Jesus immediately and the wise men can’t? I have one: it took the wise men longer than a week to get to the child.
As well, it seems that Joseph and Mary did move immediately after the visit.
Gerald, the shepherds were locals and knew the place; the magi were a foreign delegation who paid homage to Herod for good form. I’m guessing that the mentioning of the manger is a reference to the passover lamb.
And I’ll show you something else: The masculine Hebrew word ‘dabar’ means Word. Its feminine counterpart, ‘deborah,’ means honeybee. The masculine word ‘ary’ (my name) means lion and its feminine counterpart, ‘aryeh,’ means manger. Hence the Samsonian riddle of Judges 14:14 (bees in the lion) is a gender inverted representation of the Word in the crib. A gender inversion also occurs when Jesus (masculine) evolves into the Body of Christ (feminine).
Thanks for the interesting food for thought! It is certainly plenty to think over. It’s also the exact reason I have always hesitated to believe any one religion completely, but choose to follow what God leads in my heart.
Some very good points here! However, you are a bit off on the one about Jesus’ feet not being pierced. Altho you are correct that it does not specifically say so in the NT, yet the Messianic prophecy in Ps.22:16 (referred to & quoted in the Gospel accounts) cannot be thus overlooked, not to mention the historic fact that Roman crucifixion did normally include a nail thru the feet.
Likewise, a very interesting point that nowhere in the Bible does it say that angels sing. However, this is actually not even a Christian invention, rather, an ancient Jewish tradition.
Thirdly, bravo for the truth that the Bible is actually a sexy book, inspired by a sexy God, Who did NOT make a mistake when He created naked people with their sexual organs, & the reproductive process, AND the all-consuming pleasure that it gives.
–a Missionary