Let’s talk about sex. Sex and the widow. Not Sex and the City now but Sex and the Widow. I hear a lot from widows who want sex and are having sex but out of wedlock. Again this is the result of the terrible culture that keeps women bound in parameters of denial that we really must have a heart to heart discussion about.
I am a widow and have been a widow for 17 years. I have not had a sexual experience with another man all this time and I do not fantasise either. I am always shocked when I hear people commiserate with me by saying God is my strength, how do you do it and all sorts of crappy notions that make me believe I must now give voice to my opinions out loud and clearly.
First of all I am a Christian woman – a disciple of Jesus Christ. Therefore the laws applicable to all Christians apply to me, the first being – WITHOUT HOLINESS NO MAN/WOMAN SHALL SEE THE LORD. So it is required for me to be HOLY!!!! When we give our lives to Jesus we enter into a covenant of righteousness with Him that exchanges our person to receive and walk in His Person. The Bible says we are not our own anymore we were bought with a price so we can no longer do things our way and feel exonerated.
I am trying to draw a line here so we understand who we are in Christ. As long as you do not know who you are and who you are not in Christ you will behave anyhow and accept anything as normal behaviour. In 1st Timothy 5 – widows are divided into 2 groups – those to be honoured and those who will wait to be honoured. It also separates these 2 groups into the young and the old. The young are told to remarry and the old do not become accepted as old until they are above 60 years of age.
So if you are less than 60 years of age you can remarry acceptably in the church. In 1st Corinthians 7 the Bible also tells us that it is better for an unmarried person to remarry/marry as it were) instead of burn. You can remarry if you are over 60years too if you so wish. This I term to be that if your libido is high and you are a widow don’t make excuses to have sex indiscriminately on the side secretly because you do not want your in-laws or other people to know; go and marry again!!
Lets be factual everyone has a libido and some cannot forbear. In such a case the Bible frees you by allowing you to remarry. The only requirement is that you have to remarry a Christian – in the Lord; like yourself. It is not a sin to want to have sex. It becomes a sin when you have it outside the proffered boundaries God has made clear in His Word.
I find it so painful and annoying to see widows keep up torches for men who had beaten them up, harassed them all their married lives together and carried out so many atrocities against their womanhood; all in the name of being a good widow! After your in-laws have messed you up, demoralized you and left you financially incapable of keeping your home together; why do you still hold on to that which can never be and which never was in the first place?
Remarriage is available for all widows who wish to make use of its presence. Don’t pretend or be hypocritical, God knew you might need a way out so He created one for you. Sex is wonderful within the boundaries of marriage and I will leave the marriage counselling to another edition. But here I will reiterate to all widowed women leave other peoples husbands alone. Go and get your own husband. If you need a husband go and get your own. If you need sex go and get a husband. PLEEEEEEEEEASE!
You have no business claiming to love another person’s husband and that it’s because his wife does not love him. Since God did not make a covenant with both of you in marriage – my sister, the truth is you are in deep shit (forgive my language,) when God comes to attack you Himself!! Don’t fear – He will surely attack you. Don’t you know he is the husband of widows?
You’ve committed the greatest sin, not only as a marriage and home wrecker, you chose to sin and abandon your only helper. Exodus 20 says He’s a jealous God visiting the punishment of sin to the fourth generation. Can you imagine, your great great grandchildren will be suffering for your adultery long after you have died? Now those are wicked parenting skills at the highest level.
Masturbating isn’t acceptable either. Nor is using any device expected to give you sexual satisfaction acceptable. Purity is the watchword, the keyword and the main character trait for every Christian including widows. Without holiness no one can see the Lord and unless you became a Christian to go to hell fire please consider your future and the future of your children before you scratch a 5-second itch in a way that will cost you a lifetime of sorrow and an eternity of pain.
When I became a widow there were specific instructions the Lord gave me. I have obeyed those instructions with the help of God. One of the warnings God gave me was to maintain my celibacy till He told me I could remarry. I have complied with that. Was it easy, no, how did I do it? I went back to the One who gave the instruction to give me the grace to obey? Did He answer, yes I have been celibate and I have a clean record with Him.
There are always many distractions on the way for everyone, so as a widow expect challenges to come in every area both in imaginable and unimaginable ways. Satan will try everything to destroy you and a major tool for him to use against you is your sexuality. It’s not an easy horse to tame but tame it you must unless you do not value the fulfilment of your destiny and the price Jesus paid to save you so you can fulfil it.
One major area that most widows have problems with is in the area of parenting and this is a problem where even married parents fail woefully. So with a single parent it’s a great challenge to overcome. A widow who has varied sexual proclivities and dalliances should not forget – your children are watching you and will reciprocate what they see you do. It doesn’t matter how much you think you have hidden it, believe me – the children will search it out. You will be surprised how much they know and see!!
The most painful thing for me as a Christian in today’s world is the lack of sanctity I see everyday. There is very little we hold sacred anymore and I believe when a person has lost their virtues he/she has lost the most important treasure they could ever own. The value you place on your salvation and the fulfilment of your destiny is what will make your life worth living. If you lose those values you have lost more than life, you have lost eternity itself.