So, I Married a Goy

Recently my wife discovered my online articles. Here is her reaction to my ramblings, especially concerning an article I wrote about her being Jewish.

My husband is a writer. It is not exactly what you would think of as a dangerous occupation, but that was before I found myself the subject of some of his writings. Things could become quite dangerous for him now.

I suppose I was just not paying attention. We established early in our relationship that we had very different tastes in reading materials. My husband was a newspaper editor and wrote fantasy novels in his spare time. Occasionally I would edit a chapter or two, but mostly I left his writing to him. It seemed a sacred and private thing to him and I respected his space. He doesn’t ask for much. He wants peace and solitude for writing and cheesecake for his birthday. He doesn’t like sports on television, he is generally passive, and he takes out the trash. I always considered myself fortunate in this regard, but I had no idea he was a loose canon typing away in our den.

Recently I read some of his articles. It started harmlessly enough … a few reviews of books he had read and his take on Domino’s Pizza transformation, and 400 articles about beer. And then I saw the title, “It’s True, Jews Really Are Trying To Take Over The World.” My first thought … we’re going to have to move.

This article is my husband’s idea of humor. I have told him repeatedly that he is not funny, but I stand corrected. He is both funny and offensive; which means he could have a successful career in comedy! But, let’s face it, I am still funnier. For instance, I would have never argued with him about theology like a 9 year old over Grape-Nuts. When he said, “The Jews killed Jesus,” I would have retorted, “Yeah, well you’re next if you don’t pick up your socks”.

The truth is, anyone who knows anything about my husband knows cake is one of his food groups. He loves cake! My guy dreams of cake and gazes through bakery windows like he’s watching porn. Once we were at a friend’s wedding and the cake was bad. I did not know there was such a thing as bad wedding cake and neither did my husband. I swear I saw an actual tear in his eye. The man loves cake. That alone could make him more Jewish than me, because everyone knows Jews LOVE cake!

As for the rest, all marriages have their challenges. Sometimes there are differences in political views, but you find balance. Sometimes there are differences in religious views, but you find harmony. But when one spouse is a brilliant wit and the other has no sense of humor you are doomed. In this I am doubly blessed. Were it not for my jovial disposition, I would have never looked beyond the “Jewish check” comment to see my husband is funny. But I’m still funnier. I have to be. After all, I married a goy.