It’s already late. The clock reads 1.31 am. I toss and turn, entangled in the cover. And I listen again. It’s still beating.
Dub dub…dub dub…
My mind is a silent slide show. One image after another.
Dub dub…dub dub…
Did I offend God today?
One image after another.
Dub dub…dub dub…
* * *
Those who are close to me might be able to guess that scene above. It’s my fear – dying in my sleep. Every night without fail, no matter how tired I am, I’d lie awake for a moment listening to my own breathing, wondering if I’d still breath when the sun is up. Tossing and turning and re-examining my consciences. Usually the fear would subside after a whisper of prayer. Not so much to beg God for a respite but more to ready myself if the angel of death does visit. It sounds neurotic but there’s something about not able to control my own heart beats freaks me out. We’re so defenseless when we’re asleep and that vulnerability petrifies me.
It might be a silly fear but somehow despite our control of our lives or the direction of our future, it’s still humbling to know that we’re no master of many things if not all things. We can’t control our breathing, we can’t control others’ feelings and reactions towards us, we can’t control the force that change the seasons, we can’t control any supernovas trillions of light years away…
God can.
He’s beyond time. That’s why he’s the great I AM. Not I WAS or I WILL. The great constant. Stable. Unyielding. Never sleeps.
Do you know the name of the biggest star ever found and how big it is? It’s called VY Canis Majoris and it takes 7 quadrillion earths to fill it. It’s a hyper giant star. I can’t imagine how big that is.
Do you know that caterpillars and ants are good friends? Yes, caterpillars make noise like ants’ queen to trick ants into service. The ants will protect caterpillars from harm by taking care of them in their colonies just like the way they treated their queen.
Have you ever heard of Anthropic Principle? It implies that when we look at the world around us, it would seem that the universe was somehow fine-tuned to support human life. It blows my mind. Chew these facts:
- If the earth is a bit closer or further from the sun, or a little larger or smaller the resulting temperature variations would kill us all.
- If the earth’s axis tilts slightly in one direction, we would freeze or burn up.
- Oxygen makes up 21% of the atmosphere. If the oxygen level were 25%, fires would continually erupt. If the oxygen level were 15%, we would suffocate.
- It’s important that earth has only one moon that is at the right size and distance from us. The moon’s gravity impacts the ocean currents keeping the water from becoming stagnant. Now, what would happen if we’ve 2 or more moons?
I could go on and on writing about the human DNA, the universal moral law, the mystery of a fertilized ovum etc…etc..but I guess you already got my point. There’s nothing wrong with occupying our thoughts with concerns of trying to put food on our tables or whatever things need attention. It’s true and noble, we need to figure out ways to settle them. But to excessively worry about them is a waste. Why don’t you and I use that time to give thanks to the One who has control over everything? He controls Canis Majoris, now what are our measly cares or our heart beats to him?
Image via Wikipedia
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